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Unfettered growth is a terrifying thing. Just ask
the guy with elephantiasis of the testicles or anybody who fought the
gigantic insects of Troma's movie Bugged and they'll tell you the same.
Or you could ask the labor, bureaucratic, and corporate elites who have
been shitting their pants for the last few years over the explosive growth
of the very thing you're using right now: the Internet. It got away from
them with frightening speed and now that they've realized they'll never
catch up to it, they're pulling out every dirty trick in the book to cut
it off at the legs.
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Bend over world! You'll get whipped all right but
it's coming from an old, elitist powernazi in a thousand dollar
suit!
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You may recall a few years back
that the aforementioned Satanic elites tried to work the populace
into a lather over kids getting access to naked pictures and instructions
for building atomic bombs. They wanted to provoke the public into
fearing not just the Internet but the very concept of the free exchange
of ideas and information. Their hope was that we would be so terrified
about what our children's tender eyes would be exposed to that we
would beg Big Brother to intervene and protect us all from the looming
threat of the Internet. But you may have noticed that the barrage
of publicity on this subject has stopped. First, parents didn't appreciate
being told how to raise their children. Besides, after living through
such genuine obscenities as the Vietnam War, Richard Nixon, and Mariah
Carey, nobody really gave the first shit about porn. Then, porn sites
realized that they didn't want kids accessing their site anyway since
they couldn't pay $19.95 a month for it. Finally, all the psychotic
kids realized that building a bomb was hard work and it would be much
easier for them to go steal Dad's guns and shoot up the cafeteria
the old-fashioned way. |
So having failed to curb the growth of the Internet
through fear and anger, the cabal of elites is now trying another tactic:
fake concern. They're worried about us. They want to protect our privacy.
Clinton and the elites are whining that these dot-coms are popping up
all over the place, collecting reams of information about us, and doing
Lord knows what with it.
| I've always known that the people
in power think we, the people who are paying their salaries, are stupid.
Maybe we are, since they're staying in luxury hotels and flying first
class while we're cramming thirty-eight people into a tiny apartment
in Cannes. But we aren't completely fucking brain-dead. Since when
did the government and the media billionaires become so worried about
our privacy? Every magazine to which we subscribe sells our information
to whoever wants it, even if we tell them not to. Credit card companies
do the same thing. If you put some slight variation of your name on
a credit card, say add or delete an initial, you can see that variation
repeated on the junk mail you receive and know exactly where that
junk mail company bought your information. Worried about buying something
over the net? What difference is there between buying something online
and giving your credit card to a waiter in a restaurant or calling
a 900 number or hiring a hooker or two on a Saturday night? If these
people really wanted your account number, they could write everything
down while they've got your card in their hot little hands. |
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Terri Firmer demonstates the position of the future! |
Meanwhile, what is the government doing about privacy?
They're sending census takers to harass my 80-year-old mother in the middle
of the night, demanding to know how much money she makes and whether or
not she enjoys indoor plumbing. They've got the FBI and CIA obsessing
over every detail of Martin Luther King's sex life, even today. And the
government seems to think that drivers' licenses are a good idea and who
knows how much information is stored on that little magnetic stripe?
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