Operation Dumbo Drop
Or
Why the Airlines have BIGGER Problems than Fat Movie Directors!
The recent flap about Kevin Smith, Director of Clerks and Chasing Amy, being chased off an airplane because he is too fat is kind of hilarious. A Troma maxim of screenwriting is that fat + fart = Funny – and I am certain that Kevin Smith, the fatty that he is, probably farted at the time he was the ejected = Ha ha! As you fans can tell by my tweets on Twitter, etc., I travel quite a bit. I have a kabillion frequent flyer miles and can tell you that the airlines have much fatter problems than keeping their disgusting Grey Hound buses in the sky fat-free.
I am writing this epistle aboard Delta flight #79 from Berlin, Germany to JFK. I make movies with hideously deformed creatures, but the stewardess’ on this flight are shorter, much shorter, than I am and look about 70 years old. They are more hideous than the Rabid Grannies! The flight is full and smells like the locker room at Yale’s boat house or the Lincoln Plaza Cinema in New York City during a Saturday evening on a rainy night. How could these grandma stewardesses, who can barely navigate a food car through the aisle possibly be of any service in an emergency? How about the airplane mechanics? I have an IQ of 160 and went to Yale and at 64 years old I am not Albert Einstein for sure – but what the fuck can these old people do if flight #79 has an emergency? At least I jog. These seniors have asses that barely fit in the aisle – in fact, they even resemble KEVIN SMITH IN DRAG. KEVIN SHOULD THROW THEM OFF THE PLANE – Worse, I, a drunken passenger, would have to save these old bodies in the event of a “water landing,” that’s for sure.
My vegetarian dinner arrived. The fact that it had clearly been opened by someone before me was not what galled me. It was the fact that there was no effort to hide the fact. The aluminum foil was barely covering the slop underneath. It was a statement: “Fuck you, Delta customer” by old, glorified waitresses who obviously hate their passengers.
These issues are nothing compared to the fact that five million people have been butchered to death in the Congo and Barack O. has yet to say a peep. If the airlines are going to go through the trouble of disrespecting a major American artist – fat as he is – they really ought to look at the bigger picture. Kevin Smith is a good guy and a funny fat guy and could have been upgraded to first class quite easily – restaurants, hotels and Las Vegas casinos do this all the time. The fact that he was insulted is a symptom of the fact that Delta (Name co-shares) and United (name co-shares) have created a cartel just like the media cartel. They do not need to compete. Their employees are nasty and hideous and mostly because they can be. Kevin Smith was a victim of cartelism – but it’s still hilarious and I am certain that Kevin Fatty Pants farted upon being humiliated.
Upon landing, as I passed the pilots and stewardesses on my way off the plane, I did not hear any “Thank yous for flying Delta.” They were too busy standing around the doorway area of the plane blathering with each other about Long Island taxes or whatever. I don’t know why, but something inside compelled me to say “Thank you” to them – but of course there was no responsive “You’re welcome.”
LETTER TO LLOYD
Hello Mr. Kaufman,
My name is Jesse Linn. I am a producer living in Oakland CA. I just
read your interview in MovieMaker issue 85. I think it's really great
that the IFTA is lobbying for the internet's "net neutrality". I am
getting ready to graduate from the Academy of Art University in San
Francisco and my goal is to open a production company and produce
independent films. I have my doubts about being able to make a living
off independent films, for the reasons you stated in your interview,
and I was wondering if you had any advice for a young filmmaker who
wants to help make the film market a place where independent films
have a chance to make money and support a career? I think that I
would rather sell my body on the street as something I did in my
personal life for kicks as opposed to prostituting my self to make
ends meet because I chose to be an independent film maker.
Are there any groups, such as the IFTA, or web sights you can
recommend I take a look at so I can help keep the independent films going?
I just don't know where to start on this issue but I would like to help.
Thanks for your time,
Jesse Linn
- Well Jesse, I understand your concern. I suggest reading one of my books! :)
Greetings from Tromaville. I am very saddened to hear of prolific actor Paul Naschy’s passing. He was one of the greatest actors of Spanish and International Independent movies. His classic roles in films like “The Hunchback of the Morgue” and “The Mark of the Wolf Man” remain an inspiration to all cinema lovers. On a personal note, he was a very nice man and I always enjoyed seeing him at festivals. I was honored when he told me he enjoyed “Tromeo and Juliet” and “Terror Firmer.” Below is Paul Naschy’s Last interview featured on Troma’s release of The Hanging Woman:
Greetings from Tromaville! Below is an exclusive look at a letter I wrote to the New York Times in response to a very unthoughtful editorial published on November 14th…
To the editor,
This is in response to an editorial entitled “Female Heart Down the Homestretch” (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/opinion/15sun2.html) that appeared in the New York Times on Sunday, November 14, 2009. In this piece, the author seemed to be touting the victory of female horses in horse races as some sort of abstract victory for feminists. The author also referenced Ruffian’s 1975 final race, which led to her tragic death, as a symbolic triumph of the female character to succeed. In reality, Ruffian’s death is nothing but an example of the cruel nature of horse racing. Science has proven animals, from squids to horses, to be infinitely smarter and emotionally sensitive than anyone could have imagined. Does anyone really believe that horses enjoy participating in these races? On par with dog fighting, a more courageous stance for the author to have taken would have been to denounce those who force both female and male horses to partake in such a medieval activity.
Greetings from Tromaville! With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I feel it’s important to give thanks to the people that mean the most you. This year, I am especially thankful for a real hero in Tromaville, someone to whom I am eternally grateful — Lemmy Kilmister. Lemmy has put his reputation as an iconic musician on the line for independent art by appearing in Tromeo and Juliet, Terror Firmer, and Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger Part IV, among others. He also contributed a very articulate and thoughtful forward for my book, Direct Your Own Damn Movie! From his humble beginnings as a member of the Rockin’ Vickers, to his major successes with Motorhead, to being hailed as “God” by Steve Buscemi and Brendan Fraser in Airheads, and to being a pioneer in the fight for equal rights for hermaphrodites with his famed, hilarious public service announcement in Terror Firmer, Lemmy is a permanent fixture in pop culture.
Lemmy has worked hard to help Troma keep the independent spirit alive, asking to be compensated for his time with only a bottle of Maker’s Mark and a couple of Tromettes to talk to help pass the time on our very boring movie sets! In Direct Your Own Damn Movie! Lemmy wrote that he “will always respect” me. I hope he is aware of how much that means to a broken down, drunken, impotent, failed film director like myself. On behalf of the Troma Team, I would like to extend my sincere gratitude to Lemmy for all his support, friendship, and above all, his candor.
Lloyd ‘Woops-a-Daisy’ Kaufman
Cows + Farts = Not Funny By Lloyd Kaufman w/ Justin A.Martell
Greetings from Tromaville! I spent pre-Halloween in beautiful Toronto, Ontario, where, at the historic Music Hall on Danforth Avenue, The Toxic Avenger Musical opened for the first time outside of the United States. While there, I gave twenty or so interviews to various journalists who wanted to hear what this old war-whore…err…war-horse of politically incorrect…I mean…politically conscious, independent cinema had to say.
As I explained to them, The Toxic Avenger Musical is brilliant, hilarious entertainment on many levels. It deals with a great number of vital political and social issues such as: gay rights, drug abuse, and most important, the environment. I’m grateful to the creators of the musical, Bon Jovi’s David Bryan and Broadway legend Joe DiPietro, for writing a play that does not shy away from controversy. As the original Toxic Avenger was way ahead of it’s time in 1982 by confronting chemical pollution, the writers of The Toxic Avenger Musical have opened the door for all of us to take on the next major environmental concern: BOVINE FLATULENCE.
If you’ve read my books, you have learned that the secret to my success as a screenplay writer is “Fat + Farts = Funny.” However, there is nothing funny about “Cow + Farts.” You see, the earth is home to 1.5 billion cows. These cows belch and fart every 40-90 seconds. At the end of the day, each cow has emitted 200-300 gallons of ozone-destroying methane adding up to a grand total of 200,000,000,000 gallons – and that’s every day!1 These smelly, beefy statistics are “udderly” staggering. The damage done by these animals to the ozone layer in one day far exceeds any damage done by any human sources. Cows, pigs, sheep, chicken, and other livestock contribute additional gas of their own. With the majority of these animals being raised for human consumption, the answer is clear: anyone really serious about protecting the environment and fighting global warming must help to lead a massive campaign to slow, and perhaps end, the consumption of meat.
I, myself, eliminated beef, poultry, and fish from my diet some time ago2+ because I am concerned, not only with the billions of gallons of methane pollution caused by cows everyday, but with many other issues associated with raising livestock for slaughter, such as:
According to The Independent, these animals produce another 100 additional harmful gases and are responsible for two-thirds of the world’s emissions of ammonia, which causes acid rain3.
The thousands of acres of non-human, fecal polluted farmland in the southern and mid-western United States that is a direct result of too many animals inhabiting these areas of land.
The cruel treatment of animals at slaughter houses, which we confronted in Tromeo and Juliet4 and, of course, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead5.
80% of America’s grains are grown specifically for feeding confined livestock, with 22% of all wheat production being turned into feed, and ultimately, American livestock being responsible for the consumption of 5 times the amount of grains than the American population. If the consumption of meat was cut back, these crops would be available for human consumption.
The thousands of acres of oxygen creating, ozone protecting rainforest that are being cut down to plant soy beans to feed French pigs6.
Al Gore made a big, environmental splash with his film An Inconvenient Truth. He was hailed as a hero, awarded an Oscar, received a Nobel Peace Prize, and was all but ejaculated on by every member of the mainstream media, etc, etc. The real inconvenient truth, however, is that if Gore had any intestinal fortitude he would have included, in his film, that meat consumption is a heinous contributor to global warming! Perhaps he has failed to confront the carnivore issue because then, for once in his elitist life, he would have to take a courageous and unpopular stance. Where are our so-called “progressive” leaders on this issue!? They are all safely tucked away in their liberal limousines! If Gore and his cronies had any guts, they would talk about Bovine flatulence!
I call upon you, the Tromatized legions, to not be “cowed” by the limo-liberal, global warming scare-mongers, and take the cue from The Toxic Avenger Musical. Please help Troma in our efforts to help save the environment and rescue the 300 lb, 6 foot, 6 inch, 14-year old boy at Wendy’s that is about to take a bite of a hormone-filled Baconator, from ending up like Jared in the explosive diarrhea, homage to Paul McCarthy scene from Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. We must send a message to our hypocritical elected officials and flavor-of-the-day celebrities that anyone who actually wants to solve the problem of detrimental climate change can’t continue to ignore the very real problems caused by Bovine flatulence…And no, I’m not bullshitting you, folks.
[1] And to think, when we were growing up, I thought my brother Charles’ farts were bad! [2] Though, I have had a lot of trouble kicking the urge to feast upon human flesh. [+] Editor’s Note: The Troma Team can attest to the validity of that statement; Lloyd has a habit of eating our interns. [3] Not to be confused with taking acid in the rain. [4] How many times have I told you cows scream on their way to the slaughter house?” – Juliet Capulet [5] We also proved that the artificial growth hormones used to beef up livestock do cause people to turn into Chicken Indian Zombies [6] Not to be confused with French women
This entry was posted on Friday, November 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm and is filed under `Roids. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Congratulations to David Letterman. What an accomplishment! A rich, powerful, famous TV personality is able to bed young, innocent, scared-for-their-jobs gynos. He must really be proud! Bravo to Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post, who recently reported, “Dave’s really got a touch of class.”
To show that I’m serious about my great admiration for David Letcherman, er, Letterman, there’s an intern from Princeton named Raoul who’s down in the basement right now. As they say, if you can’t get a date, get a date with a Princeton boy! Since I need 15 minutes to perform a Letterman on Raoul, I’m handing this off to Mike Babin, our resident Troma writer. Thanks, Mike!
While Lloyd is busy Tromentoring Raoul in the basement, I’m sure David Letterman would want me to tell you about The Sexy Box, a box-set of Troma's original genre-defining sex comedies. Even though it's so commonplace now, mixing sex and comedy was an alien concept in the '70s, a little like mixing Qualuudes and champagne. Troma's sex comedies mixed slapstick humor, hot sex, and biting social satire!
The Sexy Box, Troma’s new collection of influential sex comedies, serves as a veritable history lesson on not only the sex comedy genre, but also on the origins of Troma itself. Lloyd Kaufman is best known for the films he directed for Troma, but very little has been said of the films he made before he co-founded Troma Entertainment. The Sexy Boxsheds light on this overlooked time period by including Kaufman’s rarely seen pre-Troma films The Girl Who Returned, The Battle of Love’s Return, and the never-before-available Israeli co-production Big Gus, What’s the Fuss?, which are hidden throughout the box set as Easter eggs.
The Girl Who Returned was Kaufman’s very first film and was made when he was majoring in Chinese studies at Yale University. Picture young, virile Lloyd Kaufman in college wooing young coeds with his devastatingly sexy knowledge of the Chinese language. When he first arrived at college, he had very little interest in film. Coming from the theater world of New York City, Kaufman was more of a vaudevillian whose major love was musicals, but that changed under the corrupting influence of his roommates, who were major cinephiles. His discovery of movies set him on course to making The Girl Who Returned, a $2,000 mostly silent black and white feature film in which the world is composed of only two countries, Luxembourg and Mongolia, which are composed entirely of women and men respectively. Every four years, Olympic games are held in order to determine the supremacy of the world.
Although Lloyd was dissatisfied with the final product (“If
you put two monkeys in a room with movie cameras they will make The Girl Who Returned in about twelve days.”), the experience of making it proved invaluable and taught him a thing or two about marketing. The film played at Yale the same night as the Frank Borzage classic Strange Cargo. What The Girl Who Returned lacked in cinematic achievement, it made up for with a poster of a bosomy young woman with semi-orgasmic expression on her face. Only nine people attended Strange Cargo, while 377 went to The Girl Who Returned.
Following up The Girl Who Returned proved to be a more difficult endeavor. During production, Kaufman nearly burned down his neighbors’ houses after improperly handling smoke bombs during the film’s battle scene. Despite this and other production setbacks, the film received positive reviews from the press, even though Kaufman could not afford a proper press screening. Howard Thompson from The New York Times actually viewed the film in Kaufman’s mother’s house. The film is notable for a rare acting performance from Kaufman’s childhood friend and future filmmaker Oliver Stone.
If The Girl Who Returned and The Battle of Love’s Return are overlooked stars in the Troma constellation, then Big Gus, What’s the Fuss? is a black hole that threatened to destroy the constellation entirely. Kaufman called it “the biggest failure, monetarily and artistically, of my entire life” and said the film “has done more damage to the Jewish people than Mein Kampf.” Big Gus was an Israeli co-production about a Hebrew detective. Israeli producer Ami Artzi convinced Lloyd Kaufman to make the film because he claimed that it would be a huge hit in Israel, a country desperate for Hebrew-language films. The ensuing fiasco ended up costing Lloyd, his partner Michael Herz, and all of their friends and family who invested in the film tremendous amounts of money. Despite the losses incurred from Big Gus, Kaufman retained his desire to keep making movies and walked away with several important lessons learned.
Big Gus, What’s the Fuss? not been available in any home format until now, along with The Girl Who Returned and The Battle of Love’s Return, as Easter eggs in The Sexy Box.
Hey, Lloyd’s back! You might want to fix your hair, Lloyd. And pull up your fly.
Thanks, Mike. Raoul and I had a great time, but unlike David Letterman, no one can possibly find this. If you have any opinions about what you’re reading this column, send them here!
I’m out in the country right now reliving the beauty of the Troma classic When Nature Calls, and it is gorgeous here. Blue skies, fresh air, damnit, I almost stepped in some cow shit. I better watch my step. Ooh, look at those mushrooms. They look delicious. I think I’ll have one. Wow, look at that sky change all those colors.
Anyway, back to my main point. To quote New York Post film critic Lou Lumenick, “His (Lloyd Kaufman) string of low-budget, lowbrow horror comedies stretching back to the ’80s has been cited as influence by Peter Jackson, the Farrelly Brothers, Quentin Tarantino, Takashi Miike, and Guillermo Del Toro, just to cite a few prominent examples.” Directors all over the world love Troma, especially for its incredibly unique special effects. People think that the amazing special effects in films like Class of Nuke Em High and Tromeo and Julietcost no money. Not true. The special effects cost a lot of money. In fact, the special effects in Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Deadcost $30 million!
Hey, that willow tree, it's changing colors. Ooh, it's moving. It's walking around. It's changing forms. Holy shit, it's not a willow tree, it’s Alfred Hitchcock! What are you doing here in my column?!
Lloyd Kaufman, you are a bald-faced liar. I’ve come back from the dead to tell the readers the truth about your special effects. You might think it unusual that Lloyd Kaufman, the cheapest man in the world, would spend such a large percentage of the $500,000 budget on the 35mm film Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead on special effects. Why not spend that money on food or working equipment? The fact is, in a film without any big stars, the special effects are what people want to see. Now, it’s obvious that Troma can’t compete with CGI effects sequences costing millions of dollars, so they tend to lean toward the humorous, slapstick, and original. When they put the infamous head crush in The Toxic Avenger, it was revolutionary! Now, every film and television show you see, from South Park to High School Musical XVII to The Today Show has a head crushing scene in it. Go figure… I guarantee that 20 years from now, more people will remember the toilet cam/explosive diarrhea scene in Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead than the best special effects in Indiana Jones 4: Skull Humper.
A Guide to Making Your Own Special Effects
Fake Blood – Not so much a special effect, really, as a staple of any good Tromatic kitchen. The key ingredients to any fake blood recipe are Karo syrup and red food coloring.[1] From there, you can add any number of ingredients depending on what you need to use the blood for. For instance, if you’re going to be spraying the blood through a tube or fire extinguisher, Karo syrup will gum up the works pretty quickly. You’ll need to thin the blood out with water so it’s not too goopy and sprays well. If nobody’s going to put the shit in his mouth, a finishing agent used in photo processing called Photoflow is also a good thinning agent. You can also put a few drops of soap in there to make the crap wash out of clothes and walls a little easier. For an excellent example of fake blood, check out Citizen Toxie.
The Meltdown – Mix one Dixie cup full of water with ½ tablespoon of green food coloring to achieve a dark green hue. Do not use red food coloring because you will never get an R rating with people exploding foaming blood out of their mouths. Place 1-3 tablespoons of Bromo Seltzer in your mouth without swallowing it. Place the green water mixture in your mouth, again without swallowing. Let it foam up inside your mouth. Wait until it’s a huge, erupting volcano in your mouth and let the fun begin.
Crushed Head – Hollow out a cantaloupe. Fill with hamburger, cranberry sauce, and fake blood. Top with a wig and crush till you can’t crush no more. Don’t use watermelons. Watermelons are much too thick to crush properly, while cantaloupes will fall apart nicely and ooze gore in every direction. We shot some additional scenes for a project titled Tales from the Crapper and a production assistant mistakenly picked up watermelons instead of cantaloupes. The effect was more than disappointing. Little known fact: the crushed head in Tales from the Crapperis Trey Parker.
Torn Limb – No doubt your project will call for several arms and legs to be ripped from bodies. This is easy enough. Just cut the sleeve off a long-sleeved shirt and attach the sleeve to a fake arm. You can make the fake arm for about $4.95 by using foam and a rubber hand or you can go down to the VA Hospital and steal a prosthetic limb from some senile old war hero. Have your actor tuck his real arm behind his back, then put on the sleeveless garment. Run tubes from a garden sprayer or fire extinguisher full of blood up under the garment to the stump on his shoulder. Attach the fake arm to the actor’s shoulder, slopping on a bunch of Ultraslime (a gooey mass easily available through any special effects supply house) and fake blood. If Ultraslime is not around, use string or spaghetti and chunks of toilet paper to achieve that realistic viscera that makes the effect so powerful. When the arm is ripped off, pump blood through the tubes and have your actor scream until his voice breaks. It’s exactly the same process if you want to rip off a leg. If you’re really lazy, you can even use the fake arm for a leg and cover the hand up with a shoe.
Severed Penis – Once employed exclusively by gay snuff porn films, the severed penis effect has grown in popularity in recent years. All you need to do is paint a banana flesh colored, run a tube of blood through one end, and you’ve got yourself an instant penis to hack off. You just need to show a few seconds of the close-up of the banana. For the rest of the gag, just have your actor scream like a banshee while you pump gallons of blood out of his fly. Cinema magic.
Chicken In the Ass – Naturally, your movie will have at least one scene where someone is killed by being stabbed up the ass by a chicken. Most films do these days. To achieve the effect, simply cut a rubber chicken in half. Attach the rear to the actor’s ass and stick the head out of the actor’s fly. Run tubes through both ends so that blood comes squirting out of the chickens mouth and anus. Ted Raimi was killed in this manner in Tales from the Crapper, spawning legions of copycat effects. Accept no substitutes, however. Only Troma’s Chicken-In-the-Ass is approved by both the ASPCA and the ACLU.
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Next up, find out what happens when you put me, Lloyd Kaufman, and Oliver Stone in the same room (hint: bring a fire extinguisher).
Last month, horror icon Paul Naschy (Werewolf's Shadow) turned 75, and to commemorate the ‘Lon Chaney of Spain’s birthday, Troma has released a special edition DVD of the horror classic The Hanging Woman. Featuring uncut violence and nudity originally deemed too graphic for American audiences, Troma’s new DVD is the most complete version of The Hanging Woman ever released in the US!
The Hanging Woman DVD comes loaded with special features, including the bonus feature film Sweet Sound of Death, a new interview with horror icon Paul Naschy, an interview with director José Luis Merino, a commentary track by Merino, an interview with Ben Tatar (responsible for English ADR on Spanish films), Paul Naschy 101 featurette, and a photo gallery of vintage lobby cards.
Don’t listen to me, I’m freebasing right now! Here’s what DVD Drive-In, the most important website in the world that’s not DVD Talk, had to say: “Troma could have just slapped THE HANGING WOMAN onto DVD with no extras, but they went all out with the supplements and have delivered!... A no-brainer purchase (retailing for below $10) for any self-respecting horror fan, especially Naschy completists.”
Look who’s here, it’s Paul Naschy! Paul, have you got anything to say about The Hanging Woman?
EXCERPT FROM EXCLUSIVE DVD INTERVIEW WITH PAUL NASCHY
I was in a very good position, making movies all the time, and José Luis Merino called me to make this movie. I read the script and I didn’t like my character, so I told him I wouldn’t do it, and he told me not to worry. He told me to revise the script and to transform my role and so on, and [as to] that transformation, it is true he told me, “Extend it as much as you want,” and it is also true that I wasn’t able to do much long stuff then because I was making another movie. But I took the script and it was then that the necrophiliac idea came into my head, and the number 13 and so on, because actually [my] character wasn’t a great thing, just a gravedigger put there. They killed him and that was all, and I transformed him into a living dead, and it’s curious that nowadays my Igor character is a kind of myth, but the reality is that I made it for this reason: Merino was very excited to make a movie with me. I believe we already made a Tarzan film. A very weird Tarzan, but it had the then-famous actress, Nadiuska, and, well, I considered it once the role had a little bit of dimensionality.
I did not prepare for the role in an elaborate sense. I wrote an enrichment of the character. Then, instead of making a plain character as he was, who was just a man who buried the dead and then gets killed, I turned him into a perverse character with necrophilia, disquieting, such that finally he even becomes a living dead. And I believe it was very good for the movie because I now constantly see things from the movie, and it’s [me]. Paul Naschy who really does not fool us, who really sustains the movie. So it’s very possible that had I played it the Merino way, we would now have another, [different], story.
I believe that all my characters have a part of myself, my way of thinking. So if Igor has a part of me, there’s also a part in Gotho, in Waldemar Daninsky, in Alarc de Marnac, in Kantanka, in many characters I have played. And, well, this [is] entering into philosophical disquisitions, almost metaphysical. Then, if you analyze my movies, they did it very well in the Cinémathèque Française, you must see that this post-[Spanish] Civil War attitude influences the conception of all the characters you develop during your entire life. [Even] with all their differences. In El Carnaval de las Bestias, it was the Nazi hydra. It was my admiration for Pasolini and Fellini in some stuff, something very weird, almost Valle-Inclán-esque, and this part of my own way of thinking and acting. So, when this happens… Sometimes [it] is not that easy to see those details, those kind of circumstances that cause a filmography to have a certain coherence by itself beside [the context of] the one who built it because, let’s not forget that I am not only an actor, but that I also write the stories and I also direct them much of the time. What happens then?
Even in this case in [The Hanging Woman], where I just rebuilt the character in my way, you see that you also find [certain] connotations because I wrote it. Merino permitted me to add all those things. I believe that Merino, and I am saying this without taking any value away from him, he wasn’t conscious that he was shooting his best movie. I know a big part of Merino’s filmography, and I believe there is no discussion possible: this is his best movie with a clear difference. And it is a movie that, inside the fantastic genre, it is quite important.
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Thanks, Paul, that sure was boring. For you, readers, here’s a picture of the beautiful Spanish women from the film The Hanger, which inspired The Hanging Woman.
In addition to The Hanging Woman, you should check out Terror Firmer, which prominently features hermaphrodites with hanging appendages!
Next up: crushed heads and torn limbs. Just another day in the Troma Building!
Greetings from Tromaville!
Just like Harvey Weinstein, Woody Allen, and Martin Scorsese, we’re going to pay tribute to one of the most sensitive and respected artists of all time: Roman Polanski. Little known fact that one of the most famous and innovative scenes in cinema history from The Toxic Avenger was inspired by Polanski, who infamously gave champagne and Quaaludes to a 13-year-old and sodomized her. We took the PPP (Polanski Pedophile Project) one step further: we crushed the child’s head with an automobile!
The Toxic Avengermade history because it’s the only movie which features a child’s head getting crushed by an automobile that was made into an environmentally correct Saturday morning cartoon for children whom Roman Polanski could have drugged and sodomized. Even
though there have been four feature length films, an animated series, a Marvel comic, a novelization, and stage musical adaptation, the Troma Team is bringing Toxie into the digital age with The Toxic Avenger 5: The Toxic Twins.
The Toxic Avenger 5 will be an interactive Toxie as a making-of will be shot and shown by our broadcasting partner. Each segment will be broadcast with a sneak peak at edited footage! Fans will be able to provide feedback to the producers to create a totally unique and fully interactive filmmaking experience, culminating in the North American broadcast premiere of The Toxic Avenger 5. Troma will be blazing the trail through the digital age as this installment of Toxie will be shot in high-def!
Troma’s 35th year is proving to be one of our strongest yet. In addition to our strong slate of new movies and productions, we’ll be releasing a new blu-ray every month starting in January. There’s also a remake of the Troma classic Mother’s Dayin the works from producer Brett Ratner (Rush Hour) and director Darren Lynn Bousman (the Saw sequels).
Thinking about the upcoming year for Troma is really getting me hot. Oh wait, I think that’s the acid flashback kicking in again. I’m going to trip, so I’ll be turning this over to our resident Troma Team Reporter who will be shining a light on one of the most pivotal periods in Troma’s history.
The Horror Film is Dead?
“THE HORROR FILM IS DEAD,” or so said a headline in Variety in the early ‘80s. Troma Vice President Michael Herz’s response: “I think it’s time Troma made a horror movie.” Before Troma had built a reputation as one of the premiere studios for horror films, they were known as the purveyors of raunchy sex comedies. The Variety headline appeared shortly after the release of The First Turn-On, their first sex comedy to perform poorly at the box office. Herz and Lloyd Kaufman were concerned that the studio was falling into a rut and were simply making the same movie over and over again. A horror film seemed like a great change of pace.
Kaufman and Herz decided that they wanted to set their horror film in one of those health clubs that was trendy at the time. Entitled Heath Club Horror, the health club was going to be the home to a monster who, instead of killing good people, killed bad people.
They had a premise and a title, but something was missing. After an extended period of deep thought and meditation (i.e. watching women through apartment windows), Kaufman had an epiphany: make it a comedy! Kaufman rushed to the Troma office to tell Herz who saw it too: they were going to make a horror-comedy! As the concept of a horror-comedy gelled, they realized that their monster would be good. In fact, he’d be a hero.
Kaufman and Herz calculated that the budget on The Toxic Avenger would end up being about $500,000 and set out on what they thought would be a long, arduous journey to raise the money. They approached somebody who had told them at a party that he wanted to invest in a film of theirs. Not only did he get them the money almost immediately, they also got his girlfriend, who ended up playing Toxie’s blind girlfriend Sarah.
Working with special effects artist Jennifer Aspinall on designing Toxie, Kaufman had very specific ideas about what he should look like. “I wanted a face extremely disgusting, with bubbling pustules. I wanted part of the skin around his mouth torn away so that we could see the teeth below. I wanted the face to looks like a Picasso cubist face.”
Aspinall considered his thoughts very carefully and came back with a sketch entirely different from what Kaufman described. She made him lumpy where Kaufman wanted bubbly and gave him a full face when he wanted a torn mouth. When Kaufman persisted on having the mouth torn, Aspinall responded with “If we did that, he couldn’t smile.” Kaufman later realized the importance of Toxie’s smile, but at the time, all he could appreciate was that Aspinall had retained the Picasso influence.
Almost all the pieces were in place, but they were still missing a name, not just of the movie, but of the hero himself. Throughout the production, the movie was still called Health Club Horror. In the movie, the hero’s fans wear t-shirts that say “The Monster Hero,” but “Monster Hero” just does not have a ring to it. Kaufman played around with the word “toxic” to see with what it might sound good. Finally, a longtime friend of Kaufman and Herz mentioned that films with the word “Avenger” were doing well in foreign markets. And so the Toxic Avenger was born.
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Breaking news: thanks to Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post, there’s an article about how terrorists can put bombs up their chocolate canals. The New York Post has considerately detailed how x-rays can’t detects the bum-bombs, so any 13-year-old who hasn’t been violated by Roman Polanski can blow up his school with a bomb up his kazoo. Thank you, Rupert Murdoch and the New York Post.
And thank you, Toxie, and thank you, Roman Polanski. You’re both role models for children all over the world.
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