My Top Ten Movie Villains

By Lloyd Kaufman

10. Tadanobu Asano as Kakihara in Takashi Miike's Ichi the Killer: "The S&M and torture made me feel almost as disgusted as the time I sat through Pretty Woman."

9. Barbra Streisand: "Truly frightening make-up effects that get more and more real as the years pass."

8. The corrupt Mayor in The Toxic Avenger: "Fat greedy politicians as they truly are."

7. Lloyd Kaufman in Farts of Darkness: The Making of Terror Firmer

6. Mega-conglomerate video chains: "Limiting who gets their films released."

5. Tom Cruise and other big budget stars: "They must really hate movies because they demand mucho money to be in them!"

4. George Lucas's newer chapters: "Even more nauseating than the originals."

3. Adolf Hitler in Triumph of the Will: "Leni Rifenstahl is the best female horror director since Penny Marshall"

2. Noxie, the Noxious Offender in Citizen Toxie: "Chilling performance; check it out! Plus, I hear the director is quite the looker!"

1. MPAA and Jack Valenti: "Chilling! Truly Frightening! Most sadistic act of film butchering I have ever seen!"

A spoken word performance by Gabe Friedman, with assistance by Maria Insua.
Lighting and strange noises by Jonathan Lees.
Wacky commentary by Edward Havens (left out at last minute due to budgetary contraints)