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Untitled Document
GOIN....
GOIN...... GONZALEZ!!!
an article By Lloyd Kaufman with Adam Jahnke
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| The Associated Press is allegedly
cracking down on people using the already famous picture of Elian being
abducted by the FBI by gunpoint.. The Troma research department however,
has come up with this early shot of Elian back in Cuba learning history
the Castro way. |
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BREAKING NEWS!
Recently, the world received proof positive that President Bill Clinton
is a Troma fan. Taking inspiration from the final moments of Troma's Beware
Children At Play, federal agents burst into the home of
Elian Gonzalez's drunken distant relatives, pointed a gun in the
boy's face, and vanished into the Miami morning with the kid in tow. The
Troma Team applauds this use of riot gear and assault weapons in the care
and handling of a small child. We hope to see more of it as we get farther
into the 21st Century. The Troma Team has been struck dumb (well, let's
be honest, dumber) by the misrepresentation of facts in this so-called
"story".
The Time/Warner/GE International Newsmaking
Machine perpetrates these errors to distract the world while events of
real importance slip past under the radar. It is a little-known, and obviously
suppressed fact that little Elian bravely swam to this country with one
goal in mind: to see Troma's Terror Firmer. Elian, we salute you
and all the other courageous Troma fans around the world that risk life
and limb in their pursuit of truly independent cinema.
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(since Lloyd's ramblings are so boring
and pretentious, we've
decided to stick a few lesbo shots in the mix)
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It is simply unbelievable that the heart-tugging
plight of this wee munchkin has been jammed down our collective throats
like a wad of Hostess Twinkies. One cannot open a magazine, turn
on a TV screen, or surf the web without being assaulted by images of the
little doe-eyed bastard at play. The way TV news turns these poor kids
into fetish objects borders on child pornography. We're supposed to believe
that Elian's pondering forces beyond his control. Just like how we were
supposed to believe that the child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey
was just another little girl who hadn't been damaged in the least by being
made up to look like the most expensive whore in the 3rd grade.
Instead of glamorizing the fuckable young pre-teens,
the media should be reporting on the fact that 15% of kids in this country
go to bed hungry every night. Sure, that statistic gets trotted out for
a guilt piece every Thanksgiving, the one night of the year these kids
actually get a free hot meal, but it's completely ignored when it isn't
the holiday season. How 'bout the millions of kiddies in Africa who die
of starvation and dismemberment every year? Our elitist labor leaders
won't ever let us give the tiny African textile industries the same trading
advantages that our government gives to every elitist (white) generalissimo.
Even that crumb we begrudge to African kids.
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Ask yourself this, Tromites: Do you honestly think
our TV networks give a wet fart about what happens to Cuban Boy? The answer
to that one is pretty obvious, so chew on this. Would we have been introduced
to l'il Elian if he was black? Of course not. Custody battles on that
side of the color line don't play nearly as well in prime time.
You may have seen the ads lately for NBC's latest
soundtrack album (and, as an afterthought, TV miniseries) The 70s. The
key event that kicks the show off is reportedly the shootings at Kent
State. This makes sense from NBC's viewpoint, because Kent State is the
popular, brand-name massacre with photogenic white faces lying face down
on the ground. Odds are that the network isn't going to mention the concurrent
shootings at Jackson State* , Orangeburg College, Southern University,
The University of Kansas, North Carolina A&T, The University of Wisconsin
and the University of California at Santa Barbara. You've got a higher
body count at these other schools, but most of the victims were unfashionably
dark complexioned. (continued on Page 2)
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| * not to be confused with Michael Jackson State,
which allegedly has its own interesting views on child |
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