|
|
Fan Mail from Troma Citizens
|
"Dear
Lloyd Kaufman..."
FAN MAIL TO TROMA! (2003-07/2004-04)
Want
to share your stories with Lloyd? Drop
him a line! |
|
This is Joe Pinkerton
in Greenup, Ky. Lloyd, you are a GOD!!!!!!!!! I ordered both of your
books, you delivered in TEN days. that is the greatest delivery time
of all time. i LOVE Dead Dudes
in the House but it is out of stock, when do you expect a new shipment? Also, i know
you accept acquisitions of films, but what about scripts? I am 30 years
old and I grew up on Troma and would LOVE to work with you. Also, Tiffany
Shepis is SOOOOOOOOoooooooooo hot!! does she have a b.f.? Keep up the great
work. i knpw at times it seems hopeless, but you do a lot of good for
people. FUCK METALLICA AND HOLLYWOOD!!!! Also, i puke publically, especially
if i'm drunk. I'm gonna go
but you'll hear from me soon. Joe. Also, tell Charles
I ADORE Mother's Day. "You're
a real pretty girl." "Don't touch
me, you sadistic motherfucker!" Classic!!!! |
Dear
Lloyd Kaufman, Are you
still on your book tour? Anyway I just have to say that I saw Troma's
War recently and have to admit at first I didn't think it was
that great but lately I've been rewatching bits and pieces and now have
to admit that it is the best film from Troma! I sit at work and just
crack up and stuff when I think about it. The line "Airborne"
makes me cum piss when I think of it man it is too much!! One of my
favourite lines is when the old lady is trying to feed blinky some mints
and she say she's a vagen and old lady goes, "It's kosher!"
Haha, it's not the line itself it's the quick editing of it in between
the battle plan... I love little stuff like that, like the sandwich
in the face in Toxic Avenger!Well that
wasted some time at work so many thanks.Hope you
reply,
Dan Wallin.
UK Fan.AIRBORNE!
|
|
Hey Lloyd
and Michael;Hope you're
well.Just finished
a shoot for 2 films on Mt. Kilimanjaro. What the hell was i thinking!!!
Still recovering, but they're going to be great. Our WV-Tanzania TeleDrum
program has been going great. Our 1st 2 films are kicking ass in that
strange do-gooding international circuit. Anyway, the big news from
here is that we are in the 2nd semester of our new graduate program
in Digital Media. It's becoming one of the best in the US. We've already
put 2 dvds of my smaller productions are rolling on my last feature,
"Paradise Park" as a re-issue with all the treats. I believe
we are in a position to turn-key the proposed "Troma Danny Collection"
if you are into it. We would need to consult with your techies but i
really see it as win-win.Can we
chat? I'm going to a have great publicity run for the next year. Now
is the time.Kisses,
Danny(Note:
Danny Boyd is the director of Chillers and Strangest Dreams,
Invasion of the Space Preachers) |
|
Hello dear
good sir, my Name is Bjarni and Im from Iceland
Since I was born I have been a giant fan of Troma and Toxie, Im 14 years
old and I have 14 years of watching Troma entertainment. But, because
I live in Iceland, it's very hard to get your fine movies. I own all
Toxic Avenger movies and I have watched them since I was young (well,
exept for Citizen Toxie since it came out in 2002) but still, Though
I love Citizen Toxie and think its your best movie yet, I still cant
think about the poor Toxic Crusaders who have only been shown on paper
(though watching Toxic Crusaders and TMNT have inspired me that I wanted
to be an animator on a very short age and still do). Why, oh why, did
yee not make a moviee about the mutant team. I even maid a storyline
and dreamt the dream that I could once walk into a video store and see
Toxic Crusaders the Movie there, with Dave Mattey and Trey Parker, written
by Lloyd Kauffman and directed by Lloyd and Mike Herz. But that is only
a shattererd dream. I have wanted to see a real-life Crusader movie
all my life, and then i am infromed that Lloyd dosen't want to make
another Toxie movie. I know that things didin't work out with New Line
and Troma, but why don't you make the movie the Troma way. Like your
great movies wich show that Hollywood sucks donkey balls and Troma fucking
rules. Sgt.Kabukiman, Class of Nuke 'em High, Tromeo and Juliet....
theese great movies are not famous because Hollywood maid them, no,
there famous because of the oposite! Everyone I know In Iceland are
in love with Troma as it is the biggest and coolest independent company
around! That's the reason I animate, act, direct and write and own my
own small company in my parent's basement called Noob, as I want to
work with Troma one day. Mabey not today, mabey not tommorow but someday.
Toxie has always been my favoirite character and even though you dudes
in Troma have had enough of him but the audience haven't. You need to
make a Toxic Crusaders movie, if you dont think its a good idea then
I will help you. I will beg for it. Make animations, direct, write,
produce, act as all the characters and even make my own costumes while
beating up a Hobo.... I'll do anything to make this movie happen. I
would tell you this in person in New York if I didin't have to go to
School.... Please, dont take away a die hard fan's love for the thing
he loves the most in his small pothetic life, dont be two great to say
no to the fans or think about failure or budget.... be America's voice....
be the World's voice...
oh, and say hi to Kevin Eastman and Trey Parker if you get a chance...
Best Wishes
A die hard fan from Iceland
Bjarni G. |
 Lloyd!!! I’m sorry
it’s been so long since I’ve e-mailed you. I must tell you
that since I saw you last (AFM last year), I read and found new inspiration
in ‘Make Your Own Damn Movie.’ You know, I used to think I
wanted to write movies for *GULP* Hollywood, but reading your books,
watching your movies and listening to your commentaries, I’ve come
to realize that I want to make the best movies I can make, not write
the best movies someone else can fuck up. You’re the beginning
of my DIY film school and, for that, I will love you forever (but not
in the way you want me to because, you see, I’ve sworn off homosexuality). I was really
happy when, recently, I went to troma.com and there on the Tales from
the Crapper page, the first picture that comes up is of Julie and me
(grinning like an idiot; mesmerized by the sheer proximity of Julie’s
heaving bosom). I immediately e-mailed the link to all three… I
mean, all of my friends. I had fun that time we did that thing. And
reading this latest book helped me better understand what had gone on
(“camera?”) Also, I had
fun at ComiCon this last summer. Although I was disappointed you weren’t
there to sign my copy of MYODM. Megan and the other Tromites were very
cool (attached find picture). I will be happy to help out this year
as well. Also, if you’re still looking for help at AFM this year,
I could give you a couple of days I think. I will at least try to stop
by the Burbank book signing and waste some of your precious time with
inane blather. Let me know. Until then, as the great philosopher Walt
Disney once said… “Ouch,
my thumb!” Dan |
|
I recently finished
your newest book! GENIUS! Utter Genius! I think it was
in chapter 10 you discussed Music copyright, and succuring those rights.
In Terror Firmer there is use of a GWAR track, the song does not appear
on the soundtrack, and there is no credit at the end of the movie. So
when I met Dave Brockie in November of 2002 I asked him about Troma,
and about that incident. (Below is the excerpt from the Interview reguarding
You & Troma) Enjoy.**AN EXCERPT
FROM A VIDEO TAPED INTERVIEW I HAD WITH DAVE BROCKIE (lead singer of
GWAR) in November 2002 reguarding Lloyd Kaufman (President of Troma
Team Entertainment)Me: I'm wearing
a Troma shirt...Brockie: Tromeo
& Juliet ah, yeah.Me: How did you
get involved with Terror Firmer? You have one track (GWAR) on there,
but it's not on the soundtrack is it?Brockie: Yeah,
they lied and cheated and they used the track without permission or
something.Me: Really?Brockie: Troma
is all about getting everything for nothing.Me: And have
you met Lloyd Kaufman?Brockie: Oh Yeah.
I know Lloyd.Me: What do you
think of him? Brockie: He's
a real operator. He's really managed to make, just like we have, a career
out of schlock. Sometimes it's not the greatest, sometimes it's bad,
but what's important about it is that he keeps doing it. The golden
moments somehoe out-shine all other moglin bullshit... but I don't know,
Troma is like the Slave-Pit of the Movie business. Me: I agree!Brockie: It's
like the whole industry hates them, their movies will never get any
respect (from Hollywood), but they are a vital force in filmmaking that
inspires probably more young filmmakers than Hollywood does. And I would
hope that if GWAR could have a similar affect on people in the music
scene or people in general, that'd be great.Yours Tromatically, Maestro Caligula
|
|
I know you get
a lot of fan mail for your work, but I don't know that you realize how
much you mean to politically minded B-movie makers (like me) for your
world view. "Lloyd's 'Roids" are a crucial ally in my ability
to deal with the shockingly stupid spectacle of our present world leadership.I honestly, shamelessly
believe that you are one of the last great thinkers involved in American
pop culture. In the wake of
my job at Stadium Video (Tacoma's premiere source for Troma movies),
I'm working in a used books/media store, and whenever anyone buys something
related to Troma, I always have wonderful conversations with them about
politics and art...your fan base is an amazingly inspiring group of
people! Troma has set
something widespread and unstoppable in motion, a sense of recognition
among everyone who has seen Toxie or "Terror Firmer", that
seems to make for instant bonds (if not bondage) among total strangers.
I increasingly realize that Troma is, in itself, a subculture, as vital
as hippies, punks, or whatever the hell those past movements have merged
into nowadays. Troma is a rallying cry. We need you, Lloyd, and nothing
will stop this movement from carrying on, whether it's a cancerous face
mole or the motherfucking FCC. We will go on.Cheers, Danny |
I'm sure
you get tons of emails asking you to forward on to Lloyd. This is one
of them. Lloyd, you should
be back from France now. Hope you had a great time. It was fabulous
seeing you in Cardiff last week, and I just wanted to touch base with
you on a couple of things we talked about:1. firstly, thanks
for the DVD of Citizen Toxie. I do think you're overly generous with
your DVDs, but I really appreciate it nonetheless. A student of mine
came to see me on Monday, Richard Simmonds (I know, I know, I had a
quiet giggle about that too!), who said he met you at your masterclass
in London and that you had given him a DVD copy of All the Love You
Cannes, but asked him to give it to me first to see if it would be of
interest as a teaching aid. I had meant to ask you for a copy in Cardiff,
so this synchronicity was pretty cool. After watching the documentary,
I definitely want a copy. (I think it may be one of the most significant
documentary films about filmmaking I've seen!) I hate asking you for
stuff, because I know you deliver (unlike any of the of Chinese restaurants
in Aberystwyth), so I try not to take advantage. But on this one, I'm
asking.2. I don't know
about Judith and Illana, but I'm dedicated to filming Shlock and Shlockability
here in Aber. You WILL eventually need to learn how to pronounce the
name of the town, however. Approximately, when were you thinking of
begining principle photography? From Aber's perspective, so it clashes
as little with the processes of Higher Edjukashun, late-May to September
is best for us...3. I'm plowing
ahead with the academic conference on Troma - it won't be any earlier
than October 2004. Ideally we'd want it during term-time so as many
students as possible could be involved, but then that makes finding
spaces for the papers difficult (classrooms tend to be in use during
the school year, but I cannot vouch for the quality of that use...).
I particularly like the idea of getting Terry Jones to give the opening
plenary address. Seeing as he is a friend of yours, would it be possible
to make the intial contact on my behalf? I don't want to look like a
Python-stalker. Feel free to give him my email. I would also want to
tie this conference in with a Troma retrospective (including Troma's
War) at our Arts Centre, and Gwion at Sgrin said there may be a way
of helping us out on this. Perhaps Sgrin could even co-sponsor the entire
conference - which would be nice.4. I've attached
two pics from Cardiff for your Troma archive. I'd like to send these
to Julie/Hypothermia also. could you send her my email address as well?I think this
email is probably long enough. Just let me say thanks again for all
your kindness and generosity. And once again, it was terrific meeting
up with you.All the best,
Dr. Mikel J. Koven
Dept of Theatre, Film and TV
University of Wales, Aberystwyth |
TROMA
KICKING BUTT IN IRAQ!December
4, 2003My
name is Chuck... SGT. CHUCK, but you can call me Chuck... or Master
Chuck... hell, Master's fine! As I am sure you gathered from the subject,
I am in the sand pit from hell. I recently showed your film "Bloodsucking
Freaks" to my soldiers and the response was nothing short of remarkable!
I mean talk about MORALE! They have been making references to that movie
for the past 3 days... every second... every moment... it has really
lightened up the mood out here. I wanted to say thank you... without
knowing it, you have contributed to this small group more than most.
Thank you. You have created a literal ARMY OF FANS.THANKS!
AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
TROMA IS AMERICA!Sincerely,
Sgt. Chuck S.
U.S. Army, Special Operations
|
i have citizen
of toxic the toxic avenger 4 on dvd and it total rule its the best dvd
evermade!apocalypse soon is fucking great!you rule lloyd.make more movies
like that
|
Mr. Kaufman, I have
been having a few beers and pondering the state of our beloved little
country, the good old U S of A. As you are well aware, things are looking
bleak for the American people. With hundreds of our soldiers being murdered
for no apparent reason (other than Bush's wallet) and Patriot Acts being
passed left and right it seems that we have lost our voice and our way.
The good people of this country are left to be ripped off and jerked
around by the life-stealing corporations that truly rule our lives.
What is to be done? It feels hopeless. But an idea has come to me! we
need to get rid of Bush...yes, we all know that. The problem is with
the 2004 election on the horizon, who can we trust to lead America back
to its former glory? ...A democrat?. No way. Definetly not a Republican.
Who then? Who has the interest of the people at heart and the might
to kick ass on these billionare CEOs? The Toxic Avenger of course!!!
We need a Tromaton driven, hideously deformed creature of superhuman
size and strength in the white house! I mean, think about it. He knows
what its like to be the common man. He knows how it is to work for a
meager living. And the people just love him! He could rip out the black
hearts and oil soaked intestines of Bush and his cronies. But to complete
the Toxie Ticket he needs a running mate. Someone with a flair for international
affairs...someone with heat seeking chopsticks....Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD! So what
im saying is start churning out the Toxie/Kabuki in 2004 red, white,
and blue bumper stickers.....Start pumping out the T-shirts!! I would
be first in line for such merchandise to show my support for a TRUE
American icon. Let's bring not only independent cinema but Independence
itself to the people! Talk about a Green Party!! Toxie/Kabuki in 2004!!! and a serious
note... I wanted
to say thanks to you. I attended your appearance at Scarecrow Video
in Seattle, Washington on December 8, 2003 and had an awesome time.
You were very informative and very cool. You signed my Tox Box and took
a picture with me while sharing advice on film making. It was greatly
appreciated. You are the man!! and im enjoying the hell out of "Make
Your Own Damn Movie!" Thanks for your time. sincerely
a true Tromaniac, Jacob N
Everett, WA |
i am a 28 year
old man living with my parents and they wont let me see the toxic avenger
movies or any troma movies for that matter because my parents say there
is to much nudity in them but yet they they let me buy porn and they
buy porn for me what the fuck is up with that maybe you guys can help
me out Benji C
|
This is a dirty
trick to do, but as a catfight freak I have to do what I have to do
to get you to do a sequel to the Chosen One-Legend of the Raven. It
starred Carmen Electra, and featured a fabulous catfight between her
and an even BIGGER and BETTER woman. What would be wonderful would be
to get Carmen to reprise her role, and that oh-so-sexy catsuit for another
catfight, this one with more cunt kicks in it, leading up to a knife
death. It's all terribly exciting, and I'd buy it in a New York heartbeat.
I've got to get the Toxic Avenger where the one girl knees the other
in the cunt. It's already showing on the web, but there's only one way
to support that stuff, and that's to buy the original. So, if you want
to know what sells, it's cunt-kicking catfights between beautiful women. The world's waiting
to buy it.
Regards,
Vaughn
|
Dear SirsThis is a very
long shot recommendation, but you should scan it, since it could become
your most profitable project yet. When media-mega-starlet Carmen Electra
was starting out in his film career, she starred in a Troma film called
"The Chosen One: Legend of The Raven", which was an excellent
case study of how NOT to make an independant film; don't make it all
up as you go along! The thing is, it is possible to expand upon this
b-movie bomb (Let's be honest and work only with truth here, OK?) by
hiring Marvel Comics' writer stan Lee, and Ms. Carmen Electra and many
of the original thespians, to star is a KIND of a remake, in which the
first film is featured, but then has a sequel, than a third film. You
can explain away the inconsistencies of the first movie by saying that
a supernatural threat called "The Chaosmaker" has came to
our world and this demi-god like character feeds off chaos, and consequently
aligns all of the supernatural forces of both good and evil in 'deathmatch'
wars, only his purpose is not to resolve the issues between good and
evil, it's to end all human life on Earth, period, and then absorbs
all of the psychic pain of the entire human race to make his mystical
power over the global probability-ventoring of chaotic events stronger,
to incur worse events of chaos and then absorb more mystical power,
and repeats the procedure until the entire world is ONLY chaos and completely
DEAD, then he departs to repeat the chaos program to other worlds. He
might be a species of 'Death Probes' send by some alien race to erase
all competing intelligent races from the galaxy so that this alien race
that he is a psychic avatar or focal point of can then move in and take
our planetary real estate a thousand years later after the biological
aftermaths of world wars, etc. fades down. You would also have to out-source
this production to Fractured Films and Addams Entertainment, in order
to do the various special effects and computer generated imaging essential
for this production, and also, because these indy film companies are
in different parts of America, they could outsource scenes played in
those different areas most economically. The way to enable this trilogy
filming that will go straight to dVD and then be purchased by MILLIONS
of Carmen Electra fans is to to allot everyone involved, Stan Lee, Carmen
Electra, and the co-producer-indy film companies a piece of the gross.
But it could easily become a 'sleeper' on the cable channels forever,
and show that by sheer strength of will, you can take a medicre production
and turn it into something you can all, everyone involved in it, be
proud of, with the scripts and SPFX becoming more sophisticated with
the second and third films. And, don't be afraid to make a completely
digital filming; it's going straight to dVDs anyway, and it will make
the procedure more cost effective. Adams Entertainment can help you
in the digital filming department very well. That covers it.Best Regards,
Bob S |
Lloyd:I thought
I'd check in to see how things were going over there at Troma. It's
been an interesting year for me since we last met. Last year about this
time I directed a play with the Spotlight On Theatre Festival, here
in NYC. It was a small production. In late July I was notified that
the show had been nominated by the awards committee for 5 awards, among
them Best Actress for Schnele Wilson, and Best Director for me. It was
a real shock since it had been so long since we mounted the show, and
because it was such a simple production. But it's always nice to be
recognized.I've also
recently finished a new screenplay. It's an edgy cyber, martial arts,
cop drama entitled, The Last Days of the Fast and Cool. I'm doing some
tweaking to it now, and it will soon be ready for me to start the long
process of getting it made.Over the
past year since we last met, I have been able to work fairly consistently
as a temp. But it has gotten real slow out there. I also feel strongly
that I need to be working in an industry related environment, where
my experience and skill set will be better put to use. I know there
must be something I can do to help you guys out over there. I feel confident
I can help move product for the distribution side, or assist in the
promotions/publicity end of things. I don't need a lot of money, just
something consistent. It's more important to me to be around the business
than to make a lot of money right now. The money will come when one
of my projects finally hits.In any
case, I hope you are well, and that things are going good for Troma.I look
forward to hearing from you soon.Sincerely,
Christopher Romero |
Lloyd,
first off let me begin by saying congrads on your new book, it has been
more that helpfull to me and my "modest" film company. I read
your book in one night I simply couldnt put it down, no really I couldnt
my hands were too sticky after watching troma's edge tv. but with all
joking aside My company Interocitor films has been making small shorts
and trailers for about 3 years now and our production apathy and the
undead was played at the vienna film festival, however it just seems
that there is no way to get any sort of capital to fund any projects.
we have applied for federal grants and such, private investurds, and
because of your book I even asked my dentist, (to no avail) currently
I am working two jobs and going to school out here in St Louis. all
and all it comes down to one thing; do I take the proverbial face shot
and simply try to work for one of the big conglomerates, or do I do
what is right and simply struggle my whole life in order for any of
my ideas to be heard.
thankyou for you time and inspiration!
Ian McD
|
| Hi Lloyd,Well I
have a lot to thank you for...so here's my story. I'm a 17 year old
girl who lives on the bible belt. Although I've always loved horror
movies, especially trashy B-grade ones, I'm not one of these kids who
can say they grew up on the Toxic Avenger. I was very sheltered from
things like that. But about a year ago I was on a date with a boy {who
my mother despised} and we were at his house and decided to watch a
movie. I looked on his shelf and it was all like crap crap crap, saving
private ryan...shit shit shit, Armageddon, blah blah blah,...Hook, hahaha...TERROR
FIRMER...??? I looked at it and saw the Troma label, which I had seen
online and was like "THIS! we're watching this!"...and he
gave me that whole "uhh... are you sure, that's some pretty fucked
up shit. I don't know if a GIRL could handle it"...which of course
just made me want to watch it more. And while we were watching it he
was, of course, putting moves on me but all I could do was stare at
the tv like an idiot, I was so engrossed. After that, I had to do everything
in my power to see them all. Since then, I've only been able {on my
budget and living in my shitty town} to get my hands on 6 {Terror Firmer,
Toxic Avenger, Tromeo and Juliet, Redneck Zombies, Killer Condom and
Girls School Screamers}... but my collection is steadily growing.But yes,
I guess I wanted to thank you cause, I've always wanted to get involved
in film. Around the time I hit high school I decided it defiantly had
to be in the horror/cult idiom, and no one seemed to understand that.
For instance there's this other kid who's my age and is also and aspiring
film maker, and this kid was always getting all the credit for being
the "young film maker". Which really pissed me off cause come
to find out, I've made about twice as many short films as he did, not
to mention I've been in an editing class for 3 years {i don't know what
the hell this kid did, he's rich , he probably has his own equiptment}...but
this kid is male , has money and his hero is Stephen fucking Speilburg.
I'm a girl, I'm broke as all hell, and my heros has been Clive Barker,
Tim Burton, Bruce Campbell, Penny Marshal {J/K :-P} and Now, well...
you. So I guess I never quite fit the mold of the typical film making
asshole. That's why I love Terror Firmer so much...the blind director.
Brilliant! I've yet to read 'Everything I need to know about film making
I learned from the Toxic Avenger' but I will very soon. Ok, I'm babbling,
I'll get to the point...Troma has
helped me decide what it is I'm going to do with my life. I was so stressed
because I was afraid that to work in the field I wanted to, I had to
fit some mold of big production corporate bullshit. I love that you
can make a statement about the bastardizing of independent cinema and
still poke fun at yourself. Troma's a beautiful thing, and I could only
be so lucky as to work for you some day...which is a whole 'nother novel
for a whole 'nother day :-D...But again,
thanks for just doing what you do. You keep making them , I'll keep
watching them. I heard that you respond to all of your fan mail, which
i think is awesome, bravo. But if you're interested I'd be more than
happy to send you some of my photos of my special effects cosmetic work.
I got really into horror make up this summer and did some fairly decent
stuff.xoxoxo,Caroline |
Hello Lloyd,I just wanted
to thank you for being much nicer than you have to be. I stopped in
at the convention in Akron, and as always, you were very generous with
your time and encouragement. I appreciate that, I really do. I went
to post another review at Amazon for MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN MOVIE!, but
was denied due to a previous review of the same book. I looked around
Ain't it Cool, but couldn't figure out where to post. So, I have included
a pdf of a Thank You letter for you. Feel free to print it out, or post
it where you will, and if there is any other way that I may sing the
praises of Troma,
just let me know.I was thinking
about your offer to star in Sex Starved Zombies, and so I was wondering
what you would think of playing Hugh Jorgan, the gas station attendant
that gets the wet t-shirt show from Donna. It's not a big part, but
it's a good sequence and we could get you in and out in a day. Plus,
I just discovered a great Tex-Mex restaurant nearby, and I've been meaning
to spring for dinner for you for a while now. Thanks again
for everything, you're the best!
Roger(Roger's
Thank You letter...)Hello Lloyd,
I wanted to take a moment to thank you for opening my eyes. I picked
up your book “MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN MOVIE” at a signing in Ann
Arbor a few months back. After chatting with you and having you answer
some of my questions, I was so inspired that I went home and cracked
open my iBook. A few months later, the direct result of that signing
and meeting with you is called “Sex Starved Zombies from Way Up
North”. It’s slated for production by Arjuna Films in the
Summer of 2004.If it had
not been for your insight, I would still believe the Hollywood Hype,
that movies are crafted by those lofty few who are allowed to breathe
the rarified air of corporate filmmaking. MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN MOVIE inspired
me and gave me the confidence to finish my script, even though the big
studios wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot mop. Screw ‘em.
I wrote a tribute to Troma and had such a blast doing it that I already
have my next opus in the works. Sex Starved Zombies was written completely
as a result of reading your book, and getting the encouragement and
guidance that you offered at your signing (my ass still bears the imprint
of your
boot).Thank you
so much for fighting to keep independent cinema within the reach of
schlubs like me.
Sincerely,Roger B) |
Lloyd,It's me again,
Tony.
Hey!!! Good News!!!
I am still trying to get prepared to make some Short Independent
Films and stuff. I did get your book from Amazon, but I wanted it Autographed!
darn... Somehow I got
a Gig!!! Unpaid, but a Gig just the same! My task was to make a "Fake
Frozen Arm". A guy and his wife are filming some kinda Gangster
Film, where there will be two dead bodies taken from a Freezer and into
a Cold Storage Locker. I was supposed to make a "Special Effect".
A "Fake Frozen Arm". For the scene. Well, I Cast my arm in
Plaster. Then placed a thin layer of latex inside the cast, then squirted
a bunch of Silicone inside, then Construction Foam (from Home Depot.
I get alot of my Art Supplies from Home Depot. They are cheaper there.)
And Wala (Oh, I also painted the arm with "Pax" (a latex prosthetic
paint) and Gobbed Clear Resin and Movie Blood onto it. (Them Actually)
I made a total of Three Arms and a Stump that will be sticking out
of the sleve of the shirt of one of the Stiffs.I will show up
on the Set in Winlock Washington on Sunday for My Part of the Shoot.
I will get copies of the 22 minute movie (they are making the movie
to attract investors for a feature length movie) and a MEGA CREDIT at
the end of the show.See ya,
Tony from Oly
|
| Mr. Kaufman,My cousin and
I met you at the San Diego Comic Con back in 2002. We didnt have a fucking
clue who you were and what Troma was all about. All we knew was that
you looked familiar, There was a toxic avenger cartoon we watched when
we were kids, and that Trey Parker made Cannibal The Musical. We bought
Terror Firmer just as you recomended. It blew our minds . We had seen
Terror Firmer before but we were stoned out of our minds when we saw
it. We then began kicking each other for our pot induced stupidity and
for not showing you the proper respect. Well now my cousin and I are
full on Troma Fanatics. We made a movie on video and named it "Zombies
Ate My Grandma" we used all of your film making magic tricks and
made a kick ass little movie for about 300 dollars. Problem is the damn
computer we were editing on was struck with a virus and the whole thing
was erased from the hard drive. We still have the tapes so we can start
all over on the editing but its a real bitch. My cousin quit but after
i buy an Apple g-4 and start editing it again he'll come around. Mr
Kaufman you're movies are awesome and i would pay to work for you. So
when im done with my piece of shit little movie. Im going to send it
to you and pray that you're at least a little amused by it. So then
i could fullfill one of my dreams of being an Actor Person on a Troma
film.Paul B |
Hi how are you!I just wanted
to say that I love your movies and what you guys stand for.I also wanted
to share a problem that my friends and I have.You see, we live
in Australia, and although Troma has a lot of support down here (The
Comedy Channel are constantly playing your films every Saturday night),
it is near impossible to find Citizen Toxie anywhere around here. Hell!,
For that matter there wasn't even a theatrical release!Now I know that
the Citizen Toxie dvd was realeased over in America way back in March,
but it doesn't seem that it has made the journey over here yet.I have even approached
a few video stores in my hometown, and they always give me the same
answer, " Citizen Toxie? We have never heard of it?". For
that matter half of them don't even know who the Toxic Avenger is! (Come
to think of it, Im pretty sure that no shop in town has the original
Toxic Avenger anymore, not even the cut version :( )Now I have been
a Toxie fan since I was 12, when a friend and I went through a relatives
video collection to find an interesting movie to watch, and suprise
suprise, we discovered The Toxic Avenger Uncut!I am now 22 and
still trying to get my hands on the Tox Box dvd collection.So can you guys
tell me if you know anything about Citizen Toxie being released in Australia?
Or know of any places where I could finally get it?If I have to,
I am prepared to order it from America and pay the extra cash. I just
need to see it!Thanks for your
help anyway guys, and if I don't hear from you, Thanks for taking the
time to read this. Keep up the fight for video freedom!Luke
|
Dear
dumb asses at Troma,I
live in Santa Maria, the movie you made titled "La ChupaCabra" really
sucked and misrepresented my crap assed town. That movie was the worst
movie I have ever seen in my life, and if you set out to push the bile
to the tip of my throat you have succeeded. That setting for that movie
wasn't even right, there aren't even any hills here dumb ass! Where
did you film this? Never mind that doesn't even matter because, the
"actors/actresses" were horrible they didn't know how to act whatsoever.
And what the hell were they wearing, huh when did you film this, during
the "I have no fashion era"( we may live way the fuck out here but shit
we do have a mall) , were you just broke, or did you just do that for
the fun of it. Another thing is that there are no scare crows like that,
and if there is a medicine woman around here she wouldn't dress that
way or talk shity Spanish. And we also don't have our own damn police
department, and if we did you killed the sheriff the fuck off, really
damn early too. The ChupaCabra suit was the worst costume any one has
ever seen, and does he work out at the local gym that we also don't
have, damn he had some pretty big muscle there. We also don't have a
newspaper, shit do your damn research before you make what you call
a movie. Was that the parody to a real movie that your going to make
about the chupacabra, or were you really sincerely trying, if you were
you should stop trying to produce films because they serve as no real
entertainment not even if you bored up the ass. The chupacabras don't
eat guts, they are supposed to be like a vampire and only suck blood.
And what was up with the spray on burn shit , what company made that
they should close down and make every body happier it was almost as
bad as the movie but then again nothing could be worse than that piece
of shit movie. did you get shit eat it then shit it out again then put
it out on dvd? Another thing we don't have is that cantina were the
two hores who are supposed to be curanderas were found. Even your name
is annoying what kind of fucking dumb assed name is TROMA!!!!?I cant
even read TROMA without wanting to throw up!!! There is more but it
would just be too much to write. Santa
Resident' - Maria EsperanzaPS:
Really?? How low budget was this film, if some knew the film would be
that shity some one would probably lend you money. |
Good day to you
Lloyd!This is Natacha
(and Jacob) from Montreal. As you can see, I have change e-mail address
(a well as web hosting, internet provider and all, explaining the delay
in any further correspondance)We have at last
the pictures from your visit for just for laugh. Printed, scanned and
trimmed: ready to go. I could send them to you if you wish (even before
sending the Tromette Pictures I want to submit to be Tromette of the
month.) What would be the best way? A zip file? Simply give you the
adress on my website so you guys can just save to your drive? It is
your choice really!!!!Yes, we are still
spreading the Troma love out here and we will continue so! We will find
all the creative way we can I promise. When we can afford to do it a
bit more in style, we will for sure...How is my Tromette
status now? Do I need to send the pictures THEN the paperwork will have
to be filled or do you have to send me the paperwork THEN I send the
pictures of me? I have tried to do something different from the others
galleries I have seen, being a professionnal photographer with an out-of-the-ordinary
style, I just had to at least try and be original. One last quetion
regarding the whole Tromette thing... what about the name? Do I find
a name or you do. I know that a Tromette name a to finish by "ia",
and I have been looking around...Anyhow, I will
have to cut it short now: still have to do some work on the website.
I am planning to do a "Big Troma List" in one part of it that
will be dedicated to Troma. It will be an help for people that I talk
to that "kinda think they do know about Troma, but aren't sure".
With your authoriation of course, I want to have the most complete list
of all Troma movies, actors persons, writers, etc and point out the
people that might catch the attention of those same people that "kinda
think they do know about Troma, but aren't sure" (exemple Billy
Bob Thorton or Ron Jeremy).Until next time,
take care.Natacha (and
Jacob)
the "Troma Couple" from Montreal |
Hello
Lloyd!Just
wanted to say that it was great to see you again this weekend. I had
a splendid time, and I'm always glad to help in any way that I can.
I'll let you know soon what happens with the Cable Car Cinema. Also,
I wanted to see who I should get in touch with about putting a link
up on the Troma site. My partner Haig does all of the banner stuff and
he can be reached directly though the website at http://www.dieyouzombiebastards.com
Alrighty.
I'll be in touch soon my friend. Thanks again!Caleb |
FEAR
AND LOATHING IN MONTREAL
(OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE LLOYD KAUFMAN)One
day, at the age of 11, I saw my first Troma movie. It was The Toxic
Avenger Part 3. I started with Part 3 because, honestly, I had no clue
what Troma or The Toxic Avenger was; all I knew was that, as my stepfather
put it, it ruled. The catch was that if I wanted to see a The Toxic
Avenger, I had to start with Part 3, because, as I said before, I was
11 years old, and Toxie 3 was the one thought by my stepfather to be
the least violent one. So I rent it, watch it, and from the moment Toxie
starts playing with one bad guy's intestines, I immediately got hooked.
So I return to the video store a few months later to rent Parts 1 and
2 (at this point, I was allowed to see both of them…) and, as life
is so kind to me, they didn't have any of them anymore! So, I thought,
this is the end of Toxie for me. For the next 2 years, Troma completely
slipped out of my mind…sure, I had a few conversations about the
Toxic Avenger here and there, but the thought of buying the damn movies
instead of just waiting for my video store to suddenly own them again
completely slipped out of my mind. By chance, one day at the age of
15, I go to this place where they sell movies (also known as a store),
and I check out the horror section, and there is THE TOXIC AVENGER.
There's one copy left, and it's way too expensive, but suddenly, I realize
that I don't care. So I buy it on DVD. From that point on, Bloodsucking
Freaks; Class of Nuke 'Em High; Sucker The Vampire; Tromeo and Juliet
all follow. Then,
for one year, I sort of forget about Troma again, but still watch the
movies that I bought quite regularly. So………Two
weeks ago, I go on Troma's website to check out what they're up to,
and on this message posted on the main page it says that they're looking
for people to work for Troma. I get all excited and pee all over myself,
and it gets even worse when I see that they're coming to Montreal, where
I live. So the first thing I do, naturally, is send an e-mail basically
saying in four lines: HEY! I'M INTERESTED! And they send me an email
back saying in four lines, basically: HEY, US TOO! So,
I had no problem with that. They told me that I had to dress up as a
Troma character at the place where Lloyd Kaufman would be signing his
new book, and Troma movies for the fans.Now
listen, when you think of the word "Work", the word "money"
seems to lie right next to it, but for the first time in my life I didn't
care about that. Ok, well maybe not the first time, but I'm trying to
kiss Troma's ass here so give me a chance. Anyway, just the thought
that I would get my movies signed by Lloyd Kaufman, and get a chance
to talk to him made me, for lack of better words, extremely happy. Now,
like every story, this one has a problem. I'm seventeen years old. Would
Troma accept an underage (wannabe) "worker" ? I send an email
saying, in four lines, basically: HEY! I'M SEVENTEEN! ARE YOU COOL WITH
THAT? And they send me an email saying in four lines, basically: NO!
WE'RE NOT!
So I turned to drugs. Just kidding? Anyway,
since I'm a mama's boy, I tell my mom, who, as disappointed as I am,
called up Troma and told them that she doesn't mind having me working
for them. Do they want written consent? Next day, everything is fixed,
my mother sends them a fax saying in four lines, basically: IT'S COOL. Now,
you're probably wondering, WHY THE HELL IS HE TELLING US ALL THIS?
And the honest truthfull answer is that it's because I want the Nobel
Prize. What I'm telling myself is that if I put a little heart and moral
in this story, the fine people at Nobel will feel bad for me and give
me the prize. So,
let's get to the night of the show.I
have an 8 to 5 job for the summer, so already getting there in time
was pretty hard. (I had to be there around 6h15, as they told me. Anyway,
so I arrive to the location (the HMV megastore in downtown Montreal,
for free publicity reasons) and I wait for about a half hour. Then Lloyd
Kaufman arrives with his Tromacrew, and the first flash that popped
into my mind was that his entrance was exactly the same way we get introduced
to Cary Grant's Roger Thornhill in North by Northwest: fast, funny,
and to the point. In less than two minutes, I am introduced to Mr. Kaufman,
who tells me that I will be wearing the Sgt. Kabukiman mask for the
evening.That
is problem number two.I
was already nervous to see what would happen, and on top of that, I
had to be a character of a movie I haven't seen. I know it's a crime,
as far as Troma goes, to not have seen Kabukiman, and I'm sorry, but
the point here is that I didn't have a clue what to say. You don't just
ask John Wayne: "Sorry, what kind of movies do you star in?".
But I guess I sort of did. Of course, I couldn't tell him that I hadn't
seen Kabukiman, I didn't want to cause a problem, so instead I asked
him what he would want me to do once I had my mask on."Just
go around doing stuff Kabukiman would do", he replied.Wonderful.So
I put on the mask in the HMV official bathroom, and the first thing
I do when I come out is start running around doing peace signs like
an idiot. I felt like at this point I was going to rob the store and
run away like an idiot. And I don't even know why. So I start running
and waving, and it was great, because in ten seconds, I managed to smack
someone in the face and at the same time almost throw over an entire
rack of DVD's on the floor accidentally. Oh yeah, I felt great. So we
keep this on for about 12 minutes (minus the accidental smacking and
hitting), until someone disguised as The Toxic Avenger comes in. He
had the same thing to do as I had. And from this moment on, everything
felt alright, because I wasn't the only one. Jean
Guerin was disguised as The Toxic Avenger and did an amazing job. I
tried to follow him as much as I could, but it was difficult: I was
still Kabukiman.It
was pretty cool though: Lloyd was in an amazingly good mood, full of
energy, and the fans kept coming in. I couldn't have been that bad,
I guess. The whole thing lasted about two hours. And to give you an
example of the amount of fans there was, the whole thing was supposed
to last only one hour. So, to all the Troma fans who were there, if
anyone is still reading at this point. Thanks.The
nice thing about Lloyd Kaufman is that he won't pull a Wesley Snipes
on you. (this is not to insult Wesley Snipes: his movies rule, and he
is also probably a cool guy, but I'm just using my past experiences
as an example). Mr. Snipes was shooting a movie here in Montreal, so
me and my friend went to his trailer, waited a few minutes with a few
other fans, and when he got out of his trailer, we got a wave, the other
fans got a picture, and he didn't want to give autographs.
Lloyd Kaufman must've spent at least 2-3 minutes with each fan, signing
their stuff, answering questions and telling anecdotes. If you're a
fan of his, I can tell you, meeting him is basically a dream come true.And
this is where the saying: "If it's too good to be true, then it
isn't" gets falsified. After HMV closed down, and Lloyd signed
a few posters for them and gave them the Troma Diploma, he even stayed
outside 15 minutes more talking to his fans and signing even MORE autographs.
And I managed to get everything of mine signed, even with a little message
to me before his autograph. On top of that, the whole Troma team is
going to this bar for this Pre-After Party Party, and apparently I'm
invited! It was just amazing…Ok, I'm underage, so Lloyd felt slightly
uncomfortable getting me an alcoholic beverage, but he paid me a Cola,
and basically paid everything for everyone. Roundabout the nicest guy
on the planet. Do you know how good it feels to have a conversation
with one of your favourite directors about movies? It was just amazing.
I mean, finally someone who actually knows what he's talking about!
I had, of course, like Jason Lee's encounter with Stan Lee in Mallrats,
tons of questions to ask him…like: HOW CAN I ACT IN ONE OF YOUR
MOVIES. But first off, I felt bad about what I did with Kabukiman, second
off, for some reason other people wanted to talk to him, and third off,
you don't go off to Hitchcock going: Hey! I think I can act…even
if I'm unknown and live really far away, wanna give me a shot?I'm
only writing this because I know that I'm not the only one who's felt
like this…..Now,
I had to leave early, because I worked the next day, but the next day
was equally amazing. This time, it was at the bookstore called The Paragraph
Bookstore, and I didn't have to put the mask on, because it was a quite
relaxed environment, where Lloyd took time to explain numerous things
about moviemaking, about his latest book, etc… And he also tried
to get to know his fans…I mean, HE was asking THEM questions! I
can't begin to tell you what Mr. Kaufman said that evening, but I can
tell you I don't see cinema the same way anymore. Whether it's hoping
that AOL/Time Warner becomes AWOL/Slime Warner ("Slime Warner",
as Lloyd would meticulously point out throughout the evening) or making
sure that legions of Troma fans around the world stay happy with their
favourite moviemaking company, there is no denying that Mr. Kaufman
has a vision. What it is, honestly, I can't really put down in words,
but his vision is for the better. And I know that these last few sentences
may have sounded bad and cheesy, but they are honestly what surprised
me the most after hearing him talk: the depth of what he has to say
is mesmerizing. He actually says things that make you think. Wow. Not
a lot of that nowadays…
Seriously.Anyway,
I know that I'm just another fan trying to write something that hopefully
will enlighten the view on other Troma fans on what is Troma, and who
is Lloyd Kaufman, but I hope this works.After
meeting him, I noticed, as my stepfather first pointed out, that Lloyd
is a lot like Mel Brooks. As Strange as that may sound (and Mr. Kaufman,
this is definitely not an insult!), his style of film, his humour, his
sense of logic, remind me of interviews I Read with Mel Brooks. (Now,
let's be ironic: Lloyd's favourite film, from what I understood, is
To Be or Not Be, a movie made in the 40's, which Mel Brooks later remade
in the 80's.) And,
for what Troma movies are like... Well, I can't compare. All I can tell
you, after hearing Lloyd talk about them, is that the movies are real:
made with a passion unsurpassed as far as anything I've ever heard.
And, even at my young age, trust me, I've seen and heard quite a lot.
Troma movies maybe aren't filled with philosophical thoughts, morals
and fancy words, but you watch one, and at least you're entertained
as hell! In the age of CGI stuff, at least Troma keeps everything real,
and they don't care where that leads them. At least as far as critics
are concerned. One thing that I truly admire from Lloyd is his mentality
about Troma (which he basically said in the following words at the Paragraph
bookstore):
TROMA WILL NEVER SELL OUT. EVEN IF IT MEANS THE COMPANY IS GOING DOWN! So
thank you Lloyd, for convincing me that there are real movies out there,
and that no, Final Destination 2 doesn't have to be the future of film
if we don't want it to. My
suggestion to you, the fans: (OF COURSE, BUY MORE TROMA!) But, show
the world what Troma is and why it should like it. Should it like it?
That's up to you to decide, but if you think the world is ready for
Troma, don't be shy, and say it loud!!!!!
Shawn v d PAnd
by the way: I was never the kind of person to start a whole movement
thing, and hang posters in my town of things that I like…but now
I get why some people do.And
after just re-reading what I just wrote, wow…it sounds like I'm
the biggest asskisser in the world, and the cheesiest writer, and the
worst critic. And the list goes on. Anyway, if you're at this point,
thanks for reading.
|
7/29/03Lloyd, Thank you and your excellent team at troma for your hospitality and
kindness. I'm sorry it took so
long to get back to you, but with all those Troma DVD's and work, plus
stupid bullshit, I haven't had
time to get to an internet connection. But now I have an e-mail. I look
forward to seeing you in Akron at Twisted Nightmare. Please send me
all the info I need to have. I will try to check my mail
every week, but that might be difficult. But, nonetheless, I look forward
to helping Troma.Sincerely
from the retarded Troma fan who drove 1200 grueling miles across 5 states
to stay 2 hours at the troma building, MalcolmPS:
TROMA, MICHEAL, AND LLOYD KICK MAJOR Corporation's ASS!!!!!!!
|
Untitled Document
|
|
Webisodes | Lloyd's MySpace Profile |