"Dear Lloyd Kaufman..."
FAN MAIL TO TROMA! (MORE! 2001-08/2002-02)

Want to share your stories with Lloyd? Drop him a line!

How are you? It's great to hear that you are planning to send the Tromaville Post to your spanish buyers! If you want, we can make a special issue just for this purpose. Maybe we can make a #0 issue with some reports about Troma, its history and an interview with you. Also you could translate it into english for your international buyers. What's your opinion?

Regarding that Don Quixote pic, I'll make it asap and send it to you! Hope it can be useful for Troma!

Also, we've been thinking on your next Troma movie. If you think it could be useful, we can make a CD-Rom in FLASH similar to that one we've made for the comics thing. In that CD, it could appear the sinopsis, the characters and some concept designs or something like this. I think that maybe it could be useful to find investors... please, let me know your opinion. You know that you can count with us for everything during the pre-, the post- and the entirely production.

I tried to contact El Torres of MEGAMULTIMEDIA (they were interested in your book) but I'm afraid they have changed their phone #... I can only contact them via e-mail. Let me know if you want me to do it or if Aviva is dealing with it. Also, Enrique (the guy from FREAKS) is interested in to publish your book.
He have called me. We've been talking about the possibility to cost a limited edition between FREAKS and FESTER. Do you think it would be possible?

I've also emailed HATEWORK (that music group from Detroit). They would love to play at the Troma Party for the Citizen Toxie premiere at Detroit! I gave them your e-mail. Hope they have contacted you...

Hey, I have seen in the TV the demonstration people made at Hollywood for the Elia Kazan Oscar a couple of years ago. They have been talking about the 40s cinema in a TV show this afternoon. In the images they screened of the demonstration it appeared the Troma Team! The spanish reporter also said something similar to: "That lovely guys of Troma... they are the real cinema!" I've felt very happy to see it in a public TV in Spain!

Well, have a nice day! Please, let me know your opinion on these purposes...

Thanks a lot!
Marc FESTER!

FESTER
http://inicia.es/de/fester
fester@inicia.es

check out Troma's Fester section!!!

DEAR, LLOYD KAUFFMAN
THE OTHER DAY I HAD THE PRIVILAGE OF WATCHING A TROMA FILM CALLED SHAKESPERE IN AND OUT. I JUST WANTED TO WRITE AND TELL YOU THAT IT WAS FUCKING GREAT.
I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF, IT IS DEFINATELY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS TROMA HAS EVER PUT OUT IN MY OPPINION. ALSO TERROR FIRMER IS A TRUE WORK OF ART. YOU GUYS CONSTANTLY PUT OUT GREAT STUFF, AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. AS MUCH AS MAINSTREAM FILMS SUCK, THE WORLD NEEDS PEOPLE THAT ARE WILLING TO CHALLENGE IT. LLOYD KAUFMAN YOU ARE A GENIUS. I THINK ALOT OF PEOPLE BLOW YOUR FILMS OFF WITHOUT TAKING THE TIME TO REALLY WATCH THEM. THATS JUST SAD TO ME, BECAUSE IT SHOWS HOW SCARED PEOPLE ARE TO BREAK AWAY FROM THE MAINSTREAM AND EXPERIENCE AND WATCH DIFFERENT THINGS. I JUST WANTED TO WRITE AND TELL YOU THAT I DIG WHAT YOUR DOING, AND HOPE THAT YOU KEEP IT UP FOR MANY YEARS TO COME. THE WORLD NEEDS MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF. BY THE WAY HOW DO YOU FIND YOUR ACTORS? DO YOU ACTUALLY HOLD AUDITIONS, OR DO YOU HAVE AN ELITE CAST OF PEOPLE THAT ONLY ACT IN TROMA FILMS? KIND OF LIKE PORNO ACTORS. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.

A DEVOTED FAN
RANDY JOHNSON

Goodmorning Mr. Kaufman,

I guess I could say that I am more than amazed that I recieved a reply
from someone as established as yourself. I never would have thought
that a peon like myself would get an E-mail from one of my "hero's."
I was wondering where I could obtain an autograph? I do not see them
up for purchase on your Web site, and I can't seem to find one on Ebay...?
Well, like last time I am in a computer class, so I better start paying
attention...
Have a schpandoinkel day.

LJ JOHNSTON
Maine Tromite
Oh, and here is a pic of my friend Jen... She said that she would love
to be a tromette... She is an avid Cannibal fan...schpandoinkel!

written by johnny failure ( at johnnyfailure.com)

i live in a town called Throw a confederate flag over my back and fuck me in the ass, Michigan here is why i wrote the poem my lovable cat martin was a worthy companion for many years until the dumb son of a bitch got run over by a car. i was sad, yet at the same time seeing my friend in three different parts was somewhat inspiring. i never really did get to fuck his ass, the poem is more about regrets than anything else. what i could have done. so that is what the poem is about. it is called "fuck you fuck licker"...

martin i fucked your ass
i licked your balls
i blew my wad on your face
probably two times a week

i watched you fuck my blankets
while i jerked off all over
myself.....

i would eat the shit from
your litter box
i would eat the shit from
your ass as well

the first time i tried to
fuck you in the ass
your ass wasnt loose enough
to fit my dick in
so i just slapped you in the face
with my cock until i eventually
lost my load all over your wiskers
(which i cummed on often old friend)

when i found you three
different parts on the road
my first thought was
"oh sweet three different
parts to fuck"
but soon i learned that
i couldnt even get a hard-on
without looking at your ass first

but now your dead
and i ll probably just fuck my little
brother in the ass until
i get a new cat

Dear lloyd
I would like to request an autographed picture of you to be displayed in my family room on my wall of fame for "American Heros". Thank You so much for all you do . Thanks again and God Bless you and yours.

Devin Taylor
Pittsville Va

In the Roman Empire, under the reign of Augustus, pleading guilty to the muder of one's father would have been punishable by a troma-worthy death: being sewn up in a sack with a rabid dog, and fighting cock, a poisonous snake and a monkey. The sack would get thrown in the river and as man and beast drowned, they panicked, causing unthinkable mutilation on the way to the icy bottom.

That's why Toxie couldn't kill his father in ancient Rome, even though their magnificent sewers were full of hilarious shit. Oh, and I love the book. Funniest, most informative, genuinely helpful, occasionally a masturbation aid, and read entirely on the subway and toilet. (which are incidentally, where I was concieved, and where I was almost de-concieved).

Love,
Kibblesmith. (real name, real pain)

....I thought you might like to hear from a young fan;

I hope to buy your book soon, by the way.

I can't get hold of alot of your films, as i am underage, and perhaps my parents would not approve 100%.

I'm lucky though, as a cable channel here in the UK, Bravo, showed a whole bunch of your films a while back, and channel four had a late night troma festival. I say Chopper chicks, kabukiman and...redneck zombies. Only one of them you made i realise, but you realeased the rest.
I thought chopper chicks was great, and rednecks was cheesy, and kubukiman could have done with an appearance from el Toxio.
Speaking of which...i can remember watching the old Toxic Crusaders tv show (Any chance of a new webtoon?) and collecting all the toys. When I saw they were based on a movie, I had to see it.
So when I did, i was disappointed...very (Bear with me here)
What i was expecting was a live action Toxic Crusaders show.
I thought the movie was kinda cruel...but now, a few years later, I remember the movie as excellent. I guess I just took it too seriously.

When will Citizen Toxie be out on DVD? I hope there will be cool extras, like perhaps a history of toxie documentery, with an episode of the cartoon.
I can't afford the screener, so if you could, please tell me, how exactly does MElvin cameo in this picture? Does he look like he did in 1983?

Andrew M.
Soon to be director of ultra-cheap, home movie "Duck Hunt".

My name is John Wicencyjusz and I am a really big fan of yours. I recently saw Terror Firmer and Tromeo And Juliet, which were great. It was really cool to see Debbie Rochon in both films, and I hope you team up with her again. The Toxic Avenger films are some of the coolest movies I have ever seen, and Class Of Nuke 'Em HIgh is one of those films that I can watch over and over again and not get tired of it. And I was wondering if I could get your autograph. I would really appreciate it. My address is:

John Wicencyjusz
Chicago, IL

-mark connelly from baltimore
(& elizabeth)
hope to see you in NYC for the toxie premieres :)

Hi Lloyd:

It was great to say hi today. Here are some thoughts from oe New Yorker to another. They are meant to be positive, not sad:
On Wednesday, September 26th I visited my local Hook and Ladder Company on Amsterdam Avenue at 67th Street and spoke with Tommy. He and his House have battled serious blazes in my building and in the building next door, checked gas leaks in my apartment, turned boilers off or on in my basement, stopped floods, quieted false emergency exit alarms and unstuck my neighbors from the elevator.

I knew they had lost eleven men at the World Trade Center, but as we spoke I became grimly aware that there were other familiar faces there who I would probably also normally recognize and greet. Today I had only him to thank for answering this and all calls.

That night, NBC showed exclusive footage shot by a very brave doctor at Ground Zero. Much of his reportage and dialogue with other rescue workers was over the din of the collapsing buildings. But at one truly chilling point the only sound was a beautiful, calm chorus of crickets in the silence of the aftermath.

The NBC reporter explained that Firemen have audio patches on their jackets which make this sound when the wearer does not move for more than a certain amount of time, I believe it is 30 seconds, so other Firemen can find them in darkness.

There were so many Firemen trapped at various distances from the doctor's video camera that the sound became eerily musical. I have worked on a number of soundtracks, but the concept of their potential to express what an image can not has been changed for me forever.

Stay in touch...All the very best, Robin

Robin Blackwood / Blackwood Communications Services /
New York,

Subject: Andrew, the X-intern revisited

Hi Lloyd,
As the Troma Website is still up and running, I figured you survived the WTC blast (great coverage on the onion). See you're teaching a course, that should be nice. Finally an independent director, a truly independent director, teaching the grunts how to make it on their own - what would that be financers and explotable topics? Debbie Rochon's breasts? Blind directors pissing on Debbie Rochon? (I just read that Sarris piece, Jesus fucking Christ does that guy have some sort of hang up with love or what?) Marvel inspired superheros? Stan Brakage? Andy Warhol nods? (Oh fuck that one, those smack heads at Factory 2000 really stunk up his name ... well not really, but they sure don't know history, besides the one they've concocted from factoids.)
Anyway I read the NYT article and I did write a response but I didn't send it in. I thought it was crap. Then I read the other responses and, aw fuck, I don't care what I write the next time, it's going to the editor. Read the Corman book, and I have to say, I thought it was quite good. A little to heavy on the self analyis crap, and a bit more sure of himself then he should be (House of Usher! what a bore!)

Well I just wanted to check in and say hi. BTW is there any way I can get copies of the Troma's Edge shows that I appeared in and helped write? Or will the rumour prove true and Michael Herz will throw me down the stairs if I show up?
Saw you went to Baltimore, boy does that city never change.

Oh and I've included the letter I wrote for the NYT but didn't send, Just so you could see it.

Andrew Hershberger

Take care, and lets hope they don't put Anthrax in the water

I recently read and enjoyed Franz Lidz and Steve Rushin's "How to Tell a Bad Movie From a Truly Bad Movie" published in the Times Arts & Leisure section (Sunday August 5, 2001). Lidz and Rushin really do make a case that bad films are often "pretentious and sententious" and "should seek to change your life." Still, that seems a bit too specific to a certain type of film and I'd like to offer the idea that a truly bad movie need only be boring and forgettable. Forgive me if my criterion doesn't match yours, for it's just one opinion in a sea of billions.

While the article was interesting and humorous, I'd like to point out a couple of problems. First and foremost is in regards to Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma entertainment, the oldest independent studio still in existence. In the article they mention Kaufman's "unabashedly awful ouevre" and proceed to list "Surf Nazi's Must Die," "Rabid Grannies" and "Teenage Cat Girls in Heat." Now I'm not one to argue semantics, but in my understanding of the word "ouevre," I would believe it referred to the works of an artist (a.k.a. Mr. Kaufman). If that is the case, it must be mentioned that none of those films were directed by Mr. Kaufman and are instead Troma pickups. Mr. Kaufman's actual work includes such items as "The Toxic Avenger," "Terror Firmer" and "Tromeo and Juliet." The first spawning a successful franchise that includes, but is not limited to, three sequels, comic books, a popular cartoon spin off ("The Toxic Crusaders") and line of Toxic Avenger related merchandise. Not only that, but the phrase "Toxic Avenger" has entered the English lexicon and is often used in articles referring to pollution (however, sadly, Ms. Carson does not use it in "Silent Spring"). "Tromeo and Juliet" received good critical response on Its release and is viewed as an inspired take on Shakespeare's much beloved classic "Romeo and Juliet." I mention this because the article refers to Mr. Kaufman as "a low grade Lew Grade whose unspeakable orror films tend to be unspeakably horrible," which is a bit harsh and in effect dismisses his voice as that of one suffering "sour grapes" but doesn't give the reader any true samples of what he, as an artist, has done. Works, some of which, have received both critical and popular success. Lidz and Rushin spend much time putting Mr. Kaufman in his "place," yet don't give the same treatment to their nameless Warner Brother's executive, Katrina Renner of Dimension Films, John Waters or any of their other sources. This is interesting because any cursory search of WB or Dimension titles will reveal a myriad of films that not only tend to be "unspeakably horrible" but also "pretentious and sententious."

The second problem is the feeling the author's convey that truly bad Films are neither high brow nor low brow, but middlebrow. All the truly bad films "Pay It Forward," "Grand Canyon," and "Magnolia" are not by names such as Bergman, Fellini, H.G. Lewis, or Wood but by second tier and third tier directors like the poor man's Robert Altman, P.T. Anderson, and "Raiders of the Lost Ark" screenwriter, Lawrence Kasdan. Both of these directors have made, or been partially responsible for, good films. But alas are in the vulnerable position of being either newcomers and/or making films for mass audiences. The point might have been made that directors from the high end and the low end are quite capable of making unwatchable films, and often do. Yet the article is a cursory look at a "type" of truly bad movie and space limitations are more likely then not to be the reason for neglecting this.

It's often been said that it's easier to critique then to create and I offer to those interested my own article on Lawrence Kasdan's "Grand Canyon" available on the Troma Website at XXX. (Yes, I've done work for Troma, but I'm not writing as a studio shill.) Here you'll not only find a link to the piece that the Kasdan quote "It's hard to do one scene ..." was culled from, but also the name of the Chicago Sun Times critic whose glowing review of "Grand Canyon" was quoted. A word to the wise, the article is written with a Troma audience in mind with the length of an English Term Paper, thereby alienating all potential audiences. The pictures I had nothing to do with.

One final thing, after reading Lidz and Rushin's article, I not only am going to rent "Grand Canyon" and "Magnolia" again, but partake of "Pay it Forward." Funny how an article that's intended to have its audience avoid certain truly bad movies can create the opposite effect.

Andrew Hershberger

Hey, what's up, Lloyd? I just thought I would send this letter to tell you that you're the most brilliant film maker ever, and also to just talk about bs in general. You've been the most influential on my future film career (I'm only 17, but I'm scripting a zombie movie with very troma-esque elements, and getting a good camera for christmas), and I want to break in as soon as possible into the film business. If I ever get my movie edited into something resembling professional quality, I will send you a copy to see about distribution :) I love reading your book, and it certainly gets me through the day. Ya know, for someone who hadn't written a book before, you certainly did pen an almighty tome for all future filmmakers to draw upon for inspiration.

I think that it would be great if you wrote a novel, I'm sure it could be hilarious. I've introduced many of my friends to Troma, and almost all of them love the movies. Most love Terror Firmer or Tromeo and Juliet. I'm slowly Troma-tizing my community of culturally close-minded (But generally good) people. It's almost difficult to put into words what an influence (Good and bad) that you and your company have had on my fragile little mind. I pepper our lunch conversations daily with mentions of Penis Monsters, cornholing, and frantically fucking grapefruits to recreate the sounds of lovemaking. Most look at me like I'm sick, and then they see a Troma movie and the sickness spreads. I will always keep Troma close to me, and plan on visiting Troma studios as part of our senior road trip. Well,

Lloyd, take care, and god bless all of your family, and Michael Herz's, too. And Toxie and Kabukiman, of course..
-Frank Curtis future trash filmmaker

Jesse "tucker" Tucker

P.S do you really hate the Toxie sequels that much?

Lloyd Kaufman wrote:
Seasons Greetings From Tromaville!

Thank you for your kind e-mail.
You write very well. (Better than many of the people who work on our scripts) I am glad to learn that you have not seen any of our movies, as most are produced for grown-ups and NOT FOR CHILDREN.

If you send us your address, we will send you a VHS copy of our Toxic Crusaders animated film (which IS ok for kids) as a birthday gift.
Happy Birthday, and remember, Toxie loves you!

Very Truly
Lloyd Kaufman
President, Troma Entertainment
PS: Best wishes to Jesse, he's a schpandoinkel brother!

Lloyd !!
Love you to death ! you are sooo awesome !!!
if you get a chance go to www.hateworkheadquarters.com! a crazy theatrics band from
Detroit !!!

Also how do i get a autographed picture? any troma one will do :)
I love cannibal the musical , that was one of the best one's i've seen.

Love ya,
Erica

"Death borders upon our birth, and our cradle stands in the
grave. Our birth is nothing but our death begun."

I saw CITIZEN TOXIE during its current midnight run in Montreal and LOVED it. I'm an online critic and I've made the film my main review this week.

My site :
http://www.projet9.netc.net/norm

TOXIE review :
http://www.projet9.netc.net/norm/archives/archive-c/citizen-t.htm

TOXIC AVENGER (1985) review:
http://www.projet9.netc.net/norm/archives/archive-t/toxic-a.htm

Also, I'd really like to see CITIZEN again. When will it be out on DVD?
Thanks for the twisted fun, feed-back welcomed !

Kevin Laforest
N@M

".... As for me, today is a happy day. My friend recently ordered me a copy of the "Terror Firmer" DVD, and this has just arrived at my door. And "Terror Firmer" is, of course, the greatest movie ever made, IMHO. (Of course, I have yet to see "Nuke 'Em High IV" or "Citizen Toxie".) "

-Jeffrey Stone

not once have I ever seen a troma movie in a video store. Not once have I ever seen even the toxic avenger in the video stores. I live in the capital city of West Virginia, and I find that very disturbing. I recently picked up your book, and must say I am enjoying it thoroughly. It has inspired me to work on my own independent film. I decided to write you this email for two reasons. The first being, I wondered if you have any use for local promotion. Contrary to the popular beliefs often expressed in television sit-coms and movies, West Virginia is not a complete Podunk wasteland. If the movies and merchandise was readily available locally, I am sure that people would be interested in it. The second reason I am writing you is to thank you for putting out movies like you do. I just received my terror firmer dvd set this week. No other dvd compilations even compare to what you will find on many of the troma dvds. Criterion has nothing on the special features that can be found. With most horror movies I see on dvd, the ones that are not mainstream that is, you have three options. Play the movie, trailer, and scene selection. That is all. I think it is wonderful that Troma makes an effort to make their dvds stand out. I wanted to thank you for that. I wanted to thank you for making movies that cater to an audience whos sense of humor is a little different from the rest of the general populous. Have a nice day.

-Sherwood Spence

I
just
saw
the
World Trade Center
collapse.
My mouth agape.
My face probably white.
Pam works close to there!
Bert lives in New York.
Is Michael okay?
A plane crash in Pennsylvania?
What's this I'm hearing about Camp David?
A car bomb where?
Bin Laden?
What more is in store?
Dear God, this chaos is evil!

=====
Mark Griffin
dfgriff@yahoo.com
Logan County Public Library
Photographer/writer
Read QUAKE
http://www.geocities.com/dfgriff

Kim Sullivan
Paris,

not once have I ever seen a troma movie in a video store. Not once have I ever seen even the toxic avenger in the video stores. I live in the capital city of West Virginia, and I find that very disturbing. I recently picked up your book, and must say I am enjoying it thoroughly. It has inspired me to work on my own independent film. I decided to write you this email for two reasons. The first being, I wondered if you have any use for local promotion. Contrary to the popular beliefs often expressed in television sit-coms and movies, West Virginia is not a complete Podunk wasteland. If the movies and merchandise was readily available locally, I am sure that people would be interested in it.

The second reason I am writing you is to thank you for putting out movies like you do. I just received my terror firmer dvd set this week. No other dvd compilations even compare to what you will find on many of the troma dvds. Criterion has nothing on the special features that can be found. With most horror movies I see on dvd, the ones that are not mainstream that is, you have three options. Play the movie, trailer, and scene selection. That is all. I think it is wonderful that Troma makes an effort to make their dvds stand out. I wanted to thank you for that. I wanted to thank you for making movies that cater to an audience whos sense of humor is a little different from the rest of the general populous. Have a nice day.

-Sherwood Spencer

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